Well it's been a long long time since I've updated this blog. I have decided to fulfill it's intended purpose as a photo blog and move it to word press. I work a lot so it probably won't be up and running for a week or two, but check me out.
To make up for my lack of posts here's a bunch of stuff at once as you can see. This is a recording of an old song of mine that I pounded out earlier while it was raining. Not the best performance over all, but decent. Wanted to get it while the drizzle was still going. Call it rain song since I never actually wrote formal lyrics for it, and it was raining. Sounds better than "Untitled."
Here's the finished documentary I co-directed. It's short and about an average person who has accomplished nothing except being a human being. I always wanted to documentaries about average people so this is a start.
I don't think that it's any surprise that I don't keep my word when it comes to updating. Blogging to me is pretty much the same as calling people back. I think about it all day, but when it comes time to sit down and get to it I get distracted by something else. Not to mention that when it comes to making announcements every one that knows me knows that nothing I plan is ever written in stone. So let's trace everything back to my birthday a month ago. You know? When I was supposed to do an update. My birthday was pleasant. Mostly family with some friends around though everything got started late do to my friend's crazy wife. To be honest I don't remember much about it. I don't remember much about the last month for that matter. When you're unemployed the days tend to blend together.
Speaking of which my parents were in the news paper, and have appeared on national television. My other wrote a letter to one of the reporters of a local paper, and they did an interview. They even had my father play some of his music. Apparently some Associated Press people also wish to speak to them, but I stay out of it. I'm not sure my visage paints the most sympathetic picture, and besides that I just don't want to be known as the poster child for flat broke.
We'll be moving soon. God has blessed us and given us the means to survive long enough till the unemployment was reinstated. We had to sell off a few valuables, but in the end why get too attached to things you don't ever really use or think about? Not long ago I sold my blue bass guitar. Had it for nearly a decade, but hadn't touched it in God knows how long. I felt a sort of pang of regret, but I needed the money and it's in good hands. A former band mate who also cherishes it.
Recently I came to another realization that sort of startled me. Not because of the nature of the epiphany, but more the fact that it took so long to realize it. I had a fairly unpleasant run in with a girl I used to be close to. I don't think the nature of the problem needs to be stated, nothing serious though, just that she was lonely and looking for some one to be close to, and I wasn't falling for it. I tried to be diplomatic about it, but she didn't respond very will to the fact that I didn't just fall to my knees and thank the heavens.
So I stated politely that I would prefer never to hear from her again, and she responded with a stream of profane words. Anyways, the end result is that I felt moved by the whole experience and decided to write a song about the whole thing. I finished up a first draft that starting performing it when I it occurred to me that I had no idea what I was doing. I thought to myself that I would never play this song for any other person, and I began to wonder why?
The conclusion I came to was because I would be too scared to put myself out there like that. How do I know if it's any good? Would people laugh? I generally don't have that problem with the things I normally do, and then something occurred to me. The soundscapes, the fake names and characters, it's all just to create a barrier between me and the "audience" (I use that word generously). I want to express myself, but I don't want to really put myself out there and risk looking like a jerk.
So I think that maybe I'll just use my real name from now on (unless what I'm working on is based around a character like Kelly Correy Ritter). I'm even thinking about getting some people together and performing.
In other personal news I think I'm finally going to stop drinking all together (except for certain nights when I'm doing the buddy thing). No dramatic events have led up to this decision. I've just gotten sick of it. I had cut back dramatically, but around my birthday I came into money and my bad habit gradually got worse again. Once you get away from sustained hang overs and nausea long enough it's hard to get comfortable slipping back into that kind of life.
The real kicker was last weekend. My good friend and fellow Christian was having some troubles at home so he stayed at his parents house while they were away. Naturally misery needs company so I tagged along. It was two straight days of shiftlessness, day and night drinking, watching Norm McDonald, and working on projects. We even filmed a documentary about a friend of his.
I've always thought about doing documentaries about regular people. I don't mean some average person whose accomplished something big, but an average person who lives an average life. We filmed about 30 or so minutes worth of footage, and all that's left is to string it together. I'm really happy with the look so far so we ended up uploading the title sequence to YouTube. I'll post it at the bottom along with a link because posting videos on these blogs always end up with half the video missing.
I have some interesting thoughts and revelations concerning the Bible especially the nature of Hell. I think I'll share them in a separate post. I still hope to go to seminary next year so keep your fingers crossed. I realized that if it works out, if I can help people, and live a life I can be proud of then I have nothing to regret. The fact is that all my mistakes, all my procrastination, and waisted opportunities would be steps in a path that led to the person I would become. Till then I study and play Playstation 2.
So what am I working on? Well Striaghtline Comics is now a dot com. We're working on merchandise, and just hoping to whore ourselves out till me make something of it. A friend of a friend is starting a local zine and they want to use our comics as well as have me write for it. So if that pans out I can add published author and cartoonist to my resume. Either way check us out. I'll post links to everything at the bottom of the post. I would appreciate if every one who reads this becomes a fan. I also started a second comic called Corporal Gun Balloon. So check that out f you wish.
Well I hope this update was long enough. I wanted to make it worth reading after the extended silence. I appreciate and adore every one of you who left comments and encouragements. I do this for you and you only. Have a wonderful day, and now for the links:
I'm trying to repost this because it won't allow any one to click on the image to enlarge it. If I fail then I am sorry. So damn sorry.... OK now it seems to be working. There will be a non comic post coming soon, and some more comics as well. Enjoy as my life crumbles!
The last two weeks have been a time of celebration and despair. My life has gone into a sort of free fall. My family and I have hit the worst case scenario, and it looks like at the end of the month we'll be homeless. If we can get a little money together then if forced to we'll buy a camper, and basically live where ever we can. Florida has a lot of beautiful state parks with year round camping so if we can pull that off, despite being uncomfortable, there's something about it that sounds appealing.
The real problem is that all our unemployment payments have run out, and I can't find a job to save my life. Even the super crummy telemarketing jobs that used to pay well now want you to have bachelors degrees. I even went on a job interview that involved calling numbers out of the phone book to sell magazine subscriptions. I went with my dad. I believe we both got turned down. The interviewer was some 19 year old blond. You can tell she's never sold squat.
She told me that they were looking for some one who was "over the top." I explained to her that over the top is no problem for me. In fact it comes natural. She asked me to give her an example. I started to tell a story involving a band I was in, but thought better of it. I searched my mind, but couldn't come up with an example of me being over the top that was office friendly. Even at this moment I can't think of an example that doesn't involve profanity, jokes so off color they have no color, or excessive drinking.
Anyways I did not get the job. You know times are seriously tough when you can't even get a crummy job.
I don't know where I will end up at the end of this month, like I said, but I'm kind of looking forward to seeing the kind of person I become when I get through the other side of all of this. I have to believe God has a plan for me, and I know as well as he does that I could use a serious shaking up. Still, it's not easy. Who figures they're going to be homeless at 28? Luckily I have some good people around me willing to help as best they can.
On the bright side my sister got married. We are not Mormons so we couldn't go to the original ceremony since non Mormons aren't allowed in the temple. Two days later they came down and had a second ceremony for the family. I met my sister's husband for the first time as well as his family. His parents are Mormons by the way. Every one was so nice, and I had a little talk with her husband. He seems very cool though Mormons can be so enthusiastic that at times you might suspect them of condescension.
The ceremony was lovely. I saw some people I haven't seen in years, and the food was amazing. I was asked to get up and say a prayer before they did their vows in order to bless the union. I was busy video taping everything and forgot all about it. When they called me up my heart nearly jumped into my throat.
It was nice to forget about things for a while. Does it feel like the world is about to end at times? I'm not prone to anthropomorphizing tragedy, but there's so much going on in the world. So much chaos. I imagine this is how people felt when the stock market crashed, and then a few years later the entire world went to war.
Well time marches on, we keep growing, and so does my rapidly expanding interest in South Korean girl groups. Is it a guilty pleasure or something kind of cultural thing? Maybe both. Who knows? Well thank you all for reading. I will continue to update to let you know what's going on my life, and I hope I inspire some of you.
Discovered this today. My interest makes even me uncomfortable.
I entered the Toyota Music contest. Don't expect anything to come of it like I said, but here's the link. Voting will be allowed soon. Just click play to listen.
Since every one I know is entering a song in the Toyota Music contest I thought I might as well too. Not that I expect the song to get even the most modest amount of attention, but who cares? I wouldn't want a recording contract if they offered me one. Trust me when I say that. I know my personality well enough to understand I should never live that life.
As far as the song goes it's pretty left field. Not in the usual sense, but left field as in if you know me you probably wouldn't expect me to make a song like this let alone send it in to a contest. I've always secretly desired to make a dance album, and I've been working on it in my spare time. This is my favorite track so far, the most chilled, and not silly sounding like most of the other stuff I created. Hope you enjoy.
So you know, in case you wanted to vote for my song, if it does get accepted it won't be posted for a few days so I created this video to share with you; my friends both near and far.
Plus you can always check out my You Tube channel here.
It's coming down to the wire on the finances, but I have faith that things will work out. In case you're wondering I didn't post anything last week because I was busy. Not busy in the way I'm usually busy (read lazy), but busy as in nerve destroying busy.
It was a red letter week. Not only did I run my first Bible study Tuesday, but I gave my first sermon that Sunday. The subject of the study was the idea of sin, and how it has far reaches consequences that can effect others in ways we could never imagine. I used the story of Lot as a reference. If you're not familiar then read Genesis 19 (or perhaps a little further back if you want the back story). Essentially Lot moved into the city of Sodom which was known for its wickedness and excess.
The city is marked for destruction, and the angels tell Lot to flee to the mountains. Now I won't go into the entire story. I think pretty much every one is familiar with the pillar of salt bit, but I only set that up as a means to understand the last bit. In Genesis 19: 30-38 Lot's daughters get him drunk and both lay with him and become pregnant. The first daughter gives birth to Moab, and the second gives birth to Ben-Ammi. The former being the father of the tribe of Moab, and the latter being the father of the Ammonites.
I set the story up to specifically point out that single event. Later in Numbers, during the time of Moses and the exodus of the Israelites, the women of Moab would lure the men of Israel into ritual sexual practices and idolatry leading to the slaughter of 24,000 people. The Ammonites would make war with Israel for centuries. So the acts decisions of a single man culminated to a single act that would have consequences spanning centuries, and God only knows how many lives lost.
My point is that we do the very same thing in our own small way. Parents pass down negative traits to their children, their children pass it down to theirs, and generations of people are tainted by the choices of others. We pass down negative traits and ideas to our friends when we act certain ways. Even the people around us, our co-workers, and so on can be effected by our attitudes, and they can pass that down to others.
God gives us the tools and knowledge to cut this sin from our lives, but there's something I realized. Often I pray for the strength to turn away from certain kinds of bad behavior, but again and again I turn back to doing certain things. The reality is that alcoholics aren't made from one drink, marriages don't dissolve because of a single argument, but these kinds of deep rooted problems are made from years of bad decisions both big and small.
I was talking to a friend and she didn't really believe in religion. Knowingly I asked if that was because she didn't want to feel she had to be responsible to any one but herself (that's the polite way to coin the term selfish), and she said yes. She felt that she should be aloud to dress, act, say, imbibe, and do what ever she wanted without any one telling her what to do. It's odd that this attitude is so common. If people really stopped to think about these kinds of ideas on anything below a surface level they would be ashamed.
For instance two years back I and a friend stole some beer. We were drunk, and thought it would be funny, but we got caught. Hardly seems like a big deal, though I am ashamed of it, but who could have guessed that the economy would have gone the way it did (OK well a lot of people did actually), but because of my stupid choice I can't find a job, and this effects my family and not just me.
If it's drugs or supposedly harmless self mutilation (facial piercing and tattoos the latter of which I am also guilty) we always end up becoming someones problem in one way or another. Drugs don't buy themselves, you don't manufacture your own booze, offensive clothing (by which I mean clothing purchased with the intent to offend) don't fall from the sky. No matter what you do you will always involve others in your choices, and that's not even saying anything about how these things effect ourselves. But morality almost seems to be a thing of the past, set aside, and to be mocked by foul mouthed kinds on You Tube. Sometimes I think that if Darwin came back alive, and sat in front of You Tube for an hour to see what atheism has become (not that it was ever anything but destructive on some level or another) he would never stop throwing up. And yes I cribbed that line from a Woody Allen movie.
Coming back to my point instead of praying for God to rewrite our history what we should pray for is to have these things ripped from our lives. That God in his mercy and wisdom would do what ever it takes to guide us onto the right path. God's law is not arbitrary. We reap the consequences of our sin because sin is our bad choices.
I did a modified version of this on Sunday. Perking it up a little for the residents of the nursing home. I've gone to Karaoke bars and done all 15 minutes of Paradise by the Dashboard Light completely by myself, doing both male and female parts, then finishing it up by sliding on my knees across the floor, but I have never been so nervous in my entire life. I wanted to cry, puke, and run into walls.
It wasn't so much the public speaking part, not really at all, but the fact that I wanted to do it right. I'm not preaching for myself. I do it for others. To help enrich their lives with the word of Christ. I wanted to make sure it is something I am supposed to be doing. All in all I was disappointed. I guess I expected too much of myself. Every one said I did great, especially for a first timer, but it was hard. I was prepared for everything. Some of the residents aren't exactly completely right in their heads so it can be a distraction when they talk if you're not ready for it. But I will keep up. Study and work hard to ensure that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons.
In other news my birthday is coming up next month. I'll be 28 in case you're wondering. Hopefully I'll have a place to live when it does role around, but either way what does it matter? My short wave radio is working good. I sent out my first reception report last week, and I have two more to send out tonight. Been meaning to do it all weekend, but I've been distracted. Watched a few good movies I could recommend including Thirst (Korean film) and Manhunter.
These are my words. The photos are mine too. Please read and enjoy and don't forget to check out my Myspace music page which is linked below as well as twitter me. I do love recognition.
If you wish to contact me do so at angry_rant@yahoo.com
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