Holy Shit!

So here I am, ready to announce the new format of my blog (big ideas) when I get some serious news. My parents needed the shelves replaced in their closet so when the people from the office showed up they found a deadly enemy: mold.

Apparently mold spreads like a disease so now they're sending in a HASMAT team, and sending us off to a hotel. Apparently this team determines what possessions you get to keep, and anything infected is either cleanable or destroyed. So at this moment I have no idea what if any of my worldly possessions I get to take with me. I'm not sure how long I'll be living in a hotel, and once they are finished we have to move to a new apartment. It could be months before we are compensated for our treasures and what not. What a development!

Well I'm off to spend the day itemizing my shit. More when I get the chance.

Hope Floats

Well I went in for my first job interview in God knows how long. I didn’t except the job as it was more or less what I expected, but I’ll get to that soon. I had forgotten how much of getting a job is sales in and of itself. Of course I’m not referring to the fact that I must sell myself to an employer (that’s a given), but more to the fact that the employer is also attempting to sell me on the job.

They use code words, incentives, and double speak that does anything except address the actual nature of the work. Looking back I realize that whether I was applying at a major corporation or a nothing job that there has almost always been some form of salesmanship employed when being offered those jobs.


I showed up about 5 minutes early at suite 207, which was tucked in a corner amidst some reasonably drab looking office buildings. As a rule of thumb I usually show up 20 minutes early, but I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be the only one waiting at the 2:30 appointment. I was right. There were three people ahead of me so I settled in next to another guy and waited my turn.

To begin with, the size and shape of the office told me that my initial assumption of this being a telemarketing job was incorrect. So I went with my second thought that it was a door to door sales outfit. As I waited, I and the guy next to me chatted with the secretary about what there is to do for fun in South Florida. She was attractive and pleasant, and given the variety of subjects I and the guy next to me came up with. it was obvious we were the only two people in the room who had lived here for any length of time.


Somewhere in mid stream she received a phone call. Taking the opportunity I turned to the fellow beside me and asked him if he had any idea what this job was all about. He didn’t and I confessed as much, and we laughed. I told him my theory, and he promised to shoot me a look on his way out if I was right.

After a few moments he went in, and 10 minutes of polite conversation with the secretary passed before he came out. Before he went out the door he gave me a look that told me, after all that, he still had no idea what the job was. I got up, shook the ladies hand, and went in. Here is basically our entire conversation:


Chick Woman: (looks at my resume) So I see you have a strong customer service background.

Me: Well I’ve been doing customer service and sales for the majority of working life so it is what I’m most familiar with.

Chick Woman: Well what we do here is a little different. We do direct marketing (already an evasion on her part).

Me: In other words you go from business to business selling AT&T?

Chick Woman: Not exactly. We work residential (a second evasion).

Me: So you go from door to door soliciting service?

Chick Woman: No. AT&T gives us leads on who we can visit (two evasions in one sentence).

Me: Is this commission based?

Chick Woman: Yes

Me: Thank you for the opportunity, but I’m not interested.

What a wonderful scam on their part. You bust your hump and burn your gas knocking on doors. Meanwhile they pay you nothing, and when you do sell something they take most of the money. How can they lose with a system like that? Luckily I’m a very bright guy so they weren’t fooling me. Once a few years ago I spent a day doing a "ride along" for something very similar to this so I knew better. More Importantly I knew what questions to ask.


All in all it was less than 3 minutes before I was out of there and on my way to find a pay phone. Funny enough the guy that was sitting next to me in the waiting room was waiting outside to see if I had made sense out of her little speech. I told him my findings, we laughed, and then parted company.

Still time is running out, and I need something. I applied at TAG, but they aren’t hiring for another two to three weeks, maybe more. Let’s pray that something solid comes up before I am forced to take a job like the one I applied for today. Still I have hope, and you know what else gives me hope? This video. I mean if people like this, with a hobby this oddly specific, can blaze a path in the world… well dag nabbit so can I!

2 Days In The Valley

What a weekend. Friday I applied at a few places then went to the beach and read Dostoevsky till the sun went down; it was beautiful. Saturday I helped a friend help a friend move. It was a day of hard labor, bad puns, and woman like guilt trips. I then watched Critters, and went to bed. Sunday I slept in, cleaned up the house, and then logged several hours of simulated space combat.

Eventful enough I suppose. I did get a weird hat as you can see, and a really neat old record player/radio combo as well as an old 1950’s RCA radio. Other than that nothing all that special happened. Still mentally blocked on the recording front, but I know something will come along that will jar me out of it.


I also got a job offer this morning. I don’t hold up much hope. The woman on the other end described it as “creating portfolios” for AT&T with a “negotiable benefits package". Beyond that she wouldn’t say more. If I have my bull crapology correct “creating portfolios” should mean “cold calling business and residents to solicit services” and “negotiable benefits package” to mean “commission only”. Maybe I’m wrong, but the fact that they have to con me into going in for an interview never speaks well of a company. Not to mention the office appears to be in a suite which means hole in the wall.

Hopefully one of the jobs I actually want will call be back. Tomorrow I’ll make a second attempt at applying at TAG. Apparently there web site doesn’t like FireFox, and the version of Internet Explorer I was using at the time. A little technically deficient for a tech service company, no? Still what’s it matter? We’re all going to die of pig fever soon enough!


I was out at one of my favorite food dispensing establishments, and for the duration of the entire meal both Tvs had non stop calamity and destruction scrolling, glaring, and pouncing at my face. I’ll put this one of the shelf with Legionnaires, Ebola, The West Nile Virus, Mad Cow Disease, SARS, African Killer Bees, The Bird Flu, and what ever else they come up with about every 4 years to scare the pants off of people and sell advertising. Bet you don’t even remember half that list. That’s what TV does to you. It’s always a hand full of people get sick, maybe one person dies, and all the dooms day nonsense turns out be flat out lies.

Good news though if you have a Netflix account and happen to have some of the same sensibilities as me. All four seasons of Dragnet 67 as well as all 7 seasons of Adam-12 are on there to watch instantly from your computer. I am as happy as a clam! Well off to have some beers, and simulate some more space combat. But first let’s rock to some traditional Irish folk music!

The House Of The Dead

I just read something that perfectly reflects how I feel about the world. I happen to be reading the translators introduction to The House Of the Dead, when I came across Dostoyevsky’s description of his fellow conspirators.

“… personal vanity, too, comes to the aid of the speaker and eggs him on, as does his desire to please each and all; sometimes, for the sake of show, it makes the orator agree with an idea he does not share at all - he agrees within it in the hope that in return some sincerely cherished idea of his own will not be assailed. Finally there is the self-regard that excites a man and makes him demand the floor repeatedly, so that he awaits impatiently the next such evening, when he will be able to refute his antagonist. In other words, for many (for very many, in my sincere opinion), these evenings, these speeches, these debates are about as serious an occupation as are cards, chess, and so forth, which also undeniably divert a man and which play in the same manner on the same whims and passion. I think very many deceive and confuse themselves at this game…”

Right now I feel like the whole damn thing is coming down on my head and it’s all my fault. Maybe most of it is. I want to crawl into a hole. Here’s something crazy to cut through the gloom. Did you know our fucking government paid for this?

Reiki The Yard

Well I’m just wasting away in the house applying for jobs. Found a couple I would kill to get, but no phone number just apply online. I’ve never had much luck with apply online only jobs. I prefer to be able to call a place instead of waiting on them. At least my resume is a juicy one so maybe I’ll get some decent responses. I think I’ll walk over to Target and apply there just for the hell of it.

Well as a present to all of you I decided to finally upload Experiment One from “Life In The Key Of 97“. Basically it’s me walking around the Ft. Lauderdale Art and Jazz Fest with my trusty field recorder. I also added a couple of electronic interludes to bridge the transition from different areas. It’s one track that runs a little under 30 minutes. Nothing special, but I know a couple of you like to meditate so you might want to give it a try. It’s a good listen if you want to zone out.

I might do more of these at some point so tell me what you think.


Click Here

Other than that I would like to thank Myspace for introducing me to Lady Sovereign. What I really needed was to have one annoying female rap song to replace the other one that wouldn’t leave my head. Say, feeling stressed? Have a frumpy woman make space noises into your shoulder!

Earth Day Or The Day The Earth Stood Still

It’s on fool…

Finally got my day in the sun. Went on down to Del Ray beach with a couple of thrift store side tracks on the way. It should be said that Del Ray’s main demographic seems to be aged. So of course there was slim pickings. That is unless you’re the type of person who would drop a deuce on a two decade old polka doted moo-moo. They even had one of those ball clackers, you know the one where the ball collides with the other three creating… well you know what I mean. They had a broken one of those for three dollars! Who would buy that? I did pick up a copy of Dostoyevsky’s The House Of The Dead for fifty cents though I’m not sure why. Will I even read it? I think I will.

At least the beach was gorgeous. Again more of the older crowd than bikini clad lovelies, but the weather was perfect. Nice cool ocean breeze, crystal clear water without too much motion, and a clean bathroom. There was even a large school of tropical fish that kept nipping at my feet. It was all like some kind of postcard. I only got a hand full of photos, but who can complain? Then we picked up some Chinese food, and watched “Shall We Dance” with Fred Astraire and Ginger Rogers. A little more schizophrenic than some of their other pictures, but still a delight.


Tomorrow I go down to the unemployment office, and see if they have any job offers. I doubt it will amount to anything, but I am going to reapply at a place I used to work at. Oh sweet freedom is slipping from my grasp. I admit I am filled with a cold fear at the idea of sitting in another cubicle answering phones all day, but what must be done must be done. Honestly I would rather do almost anything that doesn’t involve a phone, but what else pays above 10 bucks an hour? What else am I best qualified for? God help me!

While I’m at it, since I have one hour left to celebrate Earth Day I’m going to run outside and burn the corpse of a mink on a pile of styrofoam and compact disks. Then I’ll spray aerosol cans into the fire just so it burns extra long. You can maybe tell I don’t buy into the whole Earth Day/Global Warming bit. I get sick of celebrities and politicians telling me I have to do what ever it takes to stop this impending disaster. An impending disaster that no one can agree on how, what, when, whether it’s Global Warming or Global Cooling, or anything else for that matter. I guess when we get to the point where people are trying to convince me that partial birth abortions and the environment have some kind of a connection, it’s obvious we’ve lost any hope of sanity or rationality. Odd that is seems most often the solutions to our little problem are more political than environmental.


I don’t have time to worry about fake crisis anyways. I have financial disaster, and idealess recording session in my future. My partner in the M.L.U.S.O. wanted to buy a practice amp last week so he could record a single bass line. I love him, but when he picks up a guitar he can suck all joy from the room with his morose riffage. So I’m a bit skeptical, but the reality is we need percussion, and not the electronic type. I said even buying a simple snare drum would do wonders. Why not some type of exotic hand drum? That would be of far more use than a practice amp.

Still it takes time to get ideas across. He’s a good hearted fellow, but doesn’t like doing anything that doesn’t begin with the word “star” and end with either “trek” or “wars“. Just trying to get him to play a different video game is a task unto itself. He has some kind of weird device in his brain that blocks the ability to enjoy anything different or even slightly varied. He gives nothing a chance unless a vagina is attached to it. So if you’re reading this…. drums! He’s a solid American dude, and some one I’ve been friends with for more than a decade so I know he can take a little ribbing.


Which reminds me, for some reason, about the latest news on Susan Boyle. Apparently her claim that she had never been kissed was false. This seems to be prompting some kind if low life fire storm amongst low lives. Can I ask something? Who gives a shit? Who are these shit giving people, and why do they give all these shits? President Anti-Christ just showed his quivering sack to one the greatest threats to our democracy, and this is what people are getting worked up over? I’m not knocking her for wanting a piece of the fame pie. She at least has talent. She’s not like the rest of the Myspace addicted idiots out there. Granted I do have a Myspace, but it is my art.

I remember reading an interview with Beck where he talked about how he once worked in a video store, and how it seemed to him that all the kids that worked there acted like they were in their own personal sitcom. This is the world we live in. Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter allow every uncreative idiot to have there own personal show. I added this girl on my Twitter because she added me, and literally not 15 minutes went by where she didn’t send out an update. Do even your friends care if you made a sandwich or are thinking about taking a nap? How conceded can a person be?


I have a personal Myspace. No I’m not going to tell where it is, but I still get friend invites from people I’ve never met. Why does a 14 year old girl from England want to be my friend? So I can see pictures of her in a thong pretending to make out with her other girl friends? Does that make her feel validated? If you create something, like music, even if it’s bad music I can understand marketing your work, but this is just pathetic. Some times I feel like the internet should be shut down if humanity is ever going to evolve, but I suppose that’s just reactionary thinking.

Wow, a nice sunny day segues into a full on rant. I apologize. That was never my intention, but I took a writing break to read some news. God knows why. Of course there are plenty of things I want to rant about, but I try at least a little to keep some of my ideas to myself. I also apologize for the disjointed tone of my writing. Sometimes I tend to write more like I speak.

Peace my homies, and light a tree on fire for me.

Rain, Rain Blow It Out Your...

All my plans to bask in nature’s majesty have been subverted by unpleasant weather. So here I am, no richer in new photos, eating M&Ms out of a grocery bag, and nursing some kind of pulled muscle in my chest. At least I hope that’s what it is. Either way this will be the last computer related activity I engage in tonight.

I did see “State of Play” yesterday. I admit I was less thrilled by it than my companions, but it was still a tight little political thriller. I guess maybe I’m just bored out of my skull by supposedly “intellectual” dramas that always end up with some fictional corporation tugging the strings. You could of course do far worse than this one, but before I die I would like to see a political thriller that wasn’t written for people who think that Darth Vader invented commerce.


At this point I would just settle for a little exercise. The gym flooded, and they’ve had it shut down for a month now. As far as I can tell they’ve yet to hire a contractor. I see all kinds of different men with clip boards, shirts tucked into their jeans, going in and out with no sign of actual work being done. I guess I could go out for a nice long walk, but the scenery isn’t exactly a compelling reason to dodge around all the traffic.

What else is there to say? General boredom, and a need for work. That’s all it boils down to. I guess this will have be a short one. I would like to thank my friend Paul for recommending the show “Black Books” to me. I just finished watching the third series last night, and now there is no more. That’s the one thing I hate about British shows. Three full series (that’s their equivalent of a season you might say), and I get fewer episodes than one season of an American TV show. On to The Inbetweeners which my friend Laura recommended.

Say do you know what Rolfing is? You do? Well did you know you can Rolf a dog?