The Weapon Of Distrust Breeds The Horrors Of Pain

Let there be Astarius. Please support this brother of the spirits. Why? Because we can brothers. Becuase we can.









I am Andy Dick!

The Beat Goes On

Where have I been? Took a trip to the Wolfsonian to check out their exhibits on design and invention, and the evolution of swimwear from the the 1920's to modern times. Not the most thrilling stuff, but why not? They also had a Nietzsche plushy, and Leon Trotksy, and Che Geuvara finger puppets. What could be better than mass marketing the idolization of mass murdering facists, and the ideological precurser of the Nazism? What a world.

On the project front I've finished track four of the as of yet unamed (well it is named, but not revealed) project I did with my friends Sean, Ed, and his girl Terra. What will it be? The suspence is killing me!

There will also be a couple of Youtube videos to follow as well as a special Reckless Canadian music video for his song Politics the Song! Don't it make your special parts twitch with excitement?

A Red Man Raps

So I'm ride or die with my homey Paul M. when he brought up Native American Rap artists. So I just punched those words in and I came up with this. You try to tell me this ain't cool as shit. It's Redcloud perfomring his song Battlestar Galactica. Peace.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Coliseum

Well I just got back from the new Harry Potter which my buddy treated me to. Not that I was dying to see it or anything, but it was good especially due to the fact that they decided to leave the story in this time. Earlier I went with my niece to see the Night At the Museum sequel which was a fairly soul crushing experience. Unless your kids are dying to see it you might want to avoid having your eyes raped for two hours.

Saturday I had some old friends for a visit. To think I have "old friends" who come from other places to visit. Marvelous! We basically turned my little room into a mini recording studio, and spent the entire night getting wasted, and recording random bits of music and sound. Random being the operating word here. Good times!

I have to admit that even one such as I was stumped with trying to figure out how to make this mess into a cohesive whole. I was just about to throw in the towel when it hit me. What hit me? Well you'll find out sooner or later, but not before. Let's just say you won't expect it. Maybe you won't like it, but you won't expect it.

Adios mother fuckers.

The Code Is Red. Long Live The Code

Got to love that Canadian Healthcare. Go Obama!

A Tribute To Martin Luther King Jr.

(This is yet another of my old Angry Rant articles which was featured on or around Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I don't remember when that is so if you're like me and are too lazy to look it up then just make up a date. I will say this article is a double edged sword as it is one of the funniest things I have ever written, but also one of the most off color (zing!). So don't hate me or report me. It's just a joke, and I was paid to do it.)

Being a white devil I know little about black history. Aside from peanut butter, and having to sit through years of Saturday morning PSA’s featuring Maya Angelou’s horrendous and self righteously smug poetry, I’m practically in the dark (no pun intended) about black history. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no racist. I was forced to watch Roots once in high school, and I stayed awake through at least a third of it, plus I own the soundtrack to the Wiz on vinyl (which is the way elite music professionals such as myself prefer it).

The fact is I’m a man of German/Slovakian decent who was raised Jewish, grew up going to a Jewish school, and attending temple every Friday. Every other millisecond of my early life was spent having the Holocaust rammed down my throat. As a result of having the perpetual guilt and shame of another culture shoved in my face I developed a sort of insensitivity to other cultures. So don’t blame me, blame the Jews. Hell, every one else does.

Being that today is Martin Luther King Jr. day I figured I would amend my woe begotten ways and delve into the rich tapestry that was this great man's life. Unfortunately I’m very lazy so I’m going to have to go off of what I can remember from High School and make up the rest.

The Life of Martin Luther King Jr.

(Or possibly Scatman John… I‘m not sure which)

Martin Luther King Jr. was born in El Monte, California on March 13, 1942. He was born with a severe stutter which I think caused him to get into the whole black struggle thing, you know, so he could empower himself. Over the course of his life he had accomplished many things, and was eventually immortalized in the film The Pagemaster where he was voiced by Macaulay Culkin.

Aside from his many eloquent speeches and a push towards a non violent solution to the black equality thing, further contributions include:

1) Pilates

2) The Congressional Medal of Honor

3) The Autobiography of Martin Luther King Jr.

He also had a hit song, “I’m the Scatman” which remains popular in German dance clubs to this day.

At 6:01 pm, on April 4th 1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was attacked by dragons while standing on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis. He fought fiercely and as brave as (if not more so) than any white man. He was left critically wounded where, with his last dying breath, he gave the now famous, “I Have a Dream” speech that they play on Nickelodeon constantly during the month of February.

According to the section entitled “Allegations of Conspiracy” in the Wikipedia article (of which I unfortunately only read the title) some people think that dark forces were behind the assassination, probably the FBI because who else would have access to dragons? He will live forever in the hearts and memories of Americans through out the rest of the time America is around and probably past that. Also there’s a picture of his face painted on side of a liquor store in my neighborhood.

If anything I’ve written here is inaccurate I sincerely apologize, as I went to a public High School, and as I mentioned before my younger years were spent attending a Messianic Jewish private school. I do know that it was great men like Mr. King that were literally responsible for a necessary evolution in our nation’s history. His push towards a non violent solution, and an attitude of empowerment, not victimization, helped to make our country into a place of great diversity and cultural… what ever. I honestly do get all teary eyed when I hear the man speak, a lot like I do when I watch movie trailers for war films. You may think that makes me gay, but if having a deep respect for a great man, and war movies, makes me gay then so be it.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

“A bene placito"

The Giant Squid Contention

(Here's one of my favorite Angry Rant articles that was published around 07/27/07)

This week another so called “giant squid” was caught off of the coast of New Zealand. Unlike last year’s disappointing squid news this one claims to be the genuine article, but is it the really? First off, let’s consider what it takes to be truly giant. Giant isn’t just a word to be bandied about like man-on-man love at the Democratic National Convention. We got to consider what makes a giant squid, a giant squid.

Personally, I don’t consider anything to be giant unless it can knock down a building. Now the squid in question is 30 feet long and weights roughly 990 pounds. That’s fairly impressive, but falls short of giant by a long shot. Whereas a squid that size could eat a full grown man or maybe a cow and might even be able to crush a go kart, it won’t be smashing any buildings. Nice try, New Zealand.

We all know that if a truly giant squid was ever caught , it will be by Americans. We do it big in the U.S. of A, and I know in my heart that when we finally catch a giant squid it will start waving around the American flag as it smashes down buildings and tramples over innocents… for America. Then we can finally fulfill our country’s destiny and do what all nations have longed to do since the dawn of civilization; build a giant robotic replica of the monster in order to fight it.

Think about it people. A giant flag waving squid doing battle against a robot squid that can shoot like huge fucking diamond bald eagles out of its metal suction cups. They would interlock and use their tentacles to smash buildings over each other’s heads, and woman’s tops would fly off as they battle in the South because the South is way patriotic to the max.


Then the robot squid would be all kicking the ass off the real squid because it shoots lasers and shit, until the real squid hulks up and finally smashes the shit out of that thing. Then the giant squid would look down upon us, a single tear rolling down its cheek, to let us know that it was our own hubris that led us down this dark path.

Then all the children will sing a song to remember the squid, as he swims off into the sunset with his squid pups, and every nation in the world would learn to adhere to the Kyoto Protocol despite it being stupid, then eventually America will make some kind of anti-nuclear device from squid DNA and become a million times more awesome, making other countries even more jealous, and then they would build a time machine and go back to the past and try to stop us from developing the squid DNA weapon while posing as space aliens that came here to stop us from destroying our environment. Of course, we’ll discover their plans since we’re Americans, and we’ll go back further in time and do some science shit and make like a mega-ultra fucking super squid 2000 that’s totally pissed off, and we’ll have to build an even bigger robot to fight it.

God bless American!