Once upon a time Matthew was a happy and extremely thin child. Then he got older and things took a turn for the worse, but there were good times. Times when men were men and dinosaurs roamed the earth. In those days Matthew was as much of a dynamic force as he is today... perhaps even more and as you will see he was all things to all people. So ask yourself what was Matthew?
In the afternoons and late at night I've been taking my shortwave radio outside and getting a ear full of what the world has to offer me. In a sense using a shortwave radio is like walking into a second hand shop; you just don't know what you'll find. Some of the more interesting signals I've picked up include an anti-Zionist radio station, a Japanese news station, a French news station, and Deutsche Welle radio which is an all English language news station and comes out of Germany. I spend as much time listening to that as I can before the signal fades.
What have I learned? Apparently Europe is f-in crazy! Deutsche Welle reports mostly on central European news, and let me tell you there is a lot going on out there that American's have not an inkling about. For instance last night I learned that in the Chez Republic's mostly government run power company has its own paramilitary organization. Their f-ing power company has a small army! To top it all off their under investigation for unlawfully entry into private property, blackmail, and even accusations of torture.
This reminds of a discussion I recently had with a friend of mine about American and the nature of wealth. I often get tired of listening to people's jaded and wholly misguided comments about economics and the nature of wealth in general.
She stated that she wanted to move to Europe or Budapest because American had lost any sense of family values and morals. Of course the idea of moving to Europe for that reason in ludicrous. Europe as a whole places so little emphasis on family and conservative moral values that their indigenous population is rapidly declining. To put it simply Europeans are dying at a higher rate than they are breading, and within a few generations Muslims will out populate the actual Europeans.
As for Budapest she felt she wanted to get some culture and forget comfort. Of course the reality is that if culture was her primary concern then she need look to further. America is the most diverse nation on earth, and writhe with various cultures and peoples across the nation. But she wants the magic Disney experience of chocolate skinned people dressed in silk passing elephant standing a pond of lotus blossoms.
Why are we so quick to dismiss our own culture and look to ones far less successful than ours? Even our President thinks we need to look at Europe as an example, but who are they to judge us? You hate commercialism and the quest for wealth, but think about what it offers people. Wealth creates jobs and the need for more specialized labor which in turns creates more jobs. In an agrarian society can you imagine any one ever needing a doorman or a caddy? Wealth creates far more opportunities for the poor and uneducated. Look at Walmart. The average wage of an employee who has been with the company for a year is 10.50. They move into largely poor neighborhoods, hire people from those neighborhoods, and even promote from within. That isn't even mentioning the fact that Walmart's prices allow low income families to purchase clothing and food for much cheaper than anywhere else. They even gives jobs to the mentally disabled.
Why are we so afraid of wealth then? Is it because a consumer economy destroys national identity? Turns us into little robots that endlessly thirst for sneakers, consumer electronics, and affordable trumpets? The real question is what's the alternative? Look to Italy or Sweden who have average living standards well below ours then ask yourself what right you have to force that on people. Is your jaded quest for cultural meaning worth the tole it takes on a society. Let's not forget that political correctness has done far more to annihilate an sense of American identity and American values than any other philosophy.
We are being short sided just like in the healthcare debate. The problem isn't the ineffective American system vs. Socialized medicine. If you think socialized medicine is a good idea then you've done absolutely no research on the subject. The real problem is what is causing healthcare in America to be so expensive? But addressing that would require people to think beyond bumper sticker logic and basic talking points.
I have no definite solutions to these problems. Can we end world hunger? Yes, we can. We as Americans are the model of success that shows what capitalism can do, but without real values what are we? Ask the liberals. Never have such a group of people espoused morals so vehemently while doing everything they can to assure that American society becomes a total moral vacuum.
I suppose this is all a bit rant like, but I didn't spend a couple of days writing and preparing this. It's all off the cuff and lets face it my off the cuff is better than most people's prepared arguments. Till next time I will be monitoring the waves and seeing what they have to offer me. I haven't even been playing video games, reading, or watching TV. It's fascinating and a lot of fun. I can't wait to get a better one.
1 copy of Robert Frost reciting his poetry on cassette
1 copy of Alfred Hitchcock's Lifeboat adapted for radio on cassette
1 copy of Outlaws by Lucas Arts
Some stuff on Steam and this:
What is it? It's a beer mug with a bicycle bell screwed on. Why? I'm assuming it's there to notify who ever is serving drinks that your cup runneth dry. I just use it to irritate Sean, but for only costing a buck fifty how can you go wrong? Ring, ring, ring!
I know I promised deep thoughts or something like that, but right now I have a job interview for tomorrow to obsess over. It's inbound customer service, which all right I suppose, for a company called Global Response. I don't know what they do. Maybe something to do with the environment? Wait, no. I looked it up. It's just an outsourced customer service deal.
I've been enjoying music a lot more lately. Been broadening my horizons a little. Did some sharing last night with my friend who came down for a visit. We ended up recording a couple of his songs. I want to do a whole demo, but that takes time and we're both easily sidetracked. Slowly though, very slowly.
I'm thinking about trying to teach myself to play piano. Been contemplating it for a few weeks now, but I'm not sure I have the patience or the space. I don't even have a stand for the keyboard I've got. So many projects so little inspiration.
You know the funny thing is job interviews is that the person asking you the questions always seems surprised when you don't have a lot of questions for them. You think that they would consider it a good thing. I mean if I don't wanna ask you all these detailed questions about operations, vacation time, and what have you then it means I want the job and I don't give a crap about the finer points. Besides I know there's going to be a call back interview, and if I make it that far I'll get more curious. Till then what's the point?
The lady even looked at me a little funny when I said I didn't care if I worked weekends. Why would I lie? It's not like they would hire me, hand me a schedule with Sunday hours, and I would suddenly leap up and yell "Ah ha! You fools! I don't work weekends!" and then jump through a window.
Oh by the way the bank is inside a Wallmart. I know, right? You think they would have mentioned that when gave me the directions. But like I said I doubt I'll get the job, and to tell you the truth I don't exactly want it. It's open seven days a week with hours longer than a normal bank, and you have to walk out into the Wallmart and try to solicit business.
On top of all that it's only ten dollars an hour and their incentives stink. Only three stinking dollars for getting a new account? Seven if they choose direct deposit! The lady tells me that some people that work their net an extra 350 smackers a month. Hell, I used to do that in one day at Humana. Not that I'm too picky about that. Extra money is icing on the cake. But man is that an immense Wallmart.
So not much else beyond that. Got some great deals lately. I found Frank's Wild Years on cassette and got Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon News Room for less than a buck. I got Dino Crisis for PS1 for a dollar and Death Trap Dungeon as well as Command and Conquer Renegade for next to nothing. Oh happy days and praise the Lord. Not to mention Titan Quest plus the expansion on Steam for 4.99. I've been waiting for over a year for that one to go on sale.
Any deep thoughts on my part? Not at the moment, but there are some coming soon. I've got things I would like to discuss, but at the moment I have a book to finish and finish I shall.
I've noticed that my old post "Sex, Lies, and Insomnia" gets the most stray traffic. I suppose it's the provocative title so maybe I should just shoot off a string of dirty little titles and up my reader base. Nah! I don't need a bunch of strangers poking their piggy noses into my business. That's why I put it on the internet because I want privacy.
So it's been a quiet few days. No major accomplishments besides a Miami photo shoot that I haven't bothered to edit yet. Come to think of it I never went back and edit the good Georgia pictures. Some day I'll remember. It's all about the mood and when it strikes.
You know I wish I had a camera that functioned like the human eye. There's something about the eye and how the mind filters out certain details, and frames the thing that you're looking at in a certain way. You go to the park and wander around, looking at the thick sleeves of moss that run up and down the branches, and everything except those curves and that soft texture get filtered out.
I often go for a walk at night, and every couple of laps around the building I like to stand on the dock out back and look over the lake. Sometimes you can make out the plants that run along the pylons, and they add a murky brown to the thick and nearly impenetrable black. I always end up staring across the lack and looking at the reflection of the trees in the water. It look like some one painted them into the surface in streaks. I don't think a camera could capture that kind of detail, but it's a picture I would love to take.
Well I also have a job interview tomorrow. It's for a bank. I can't remember if it was a teller position or entering information into a computer, but I don't exactly hold out hope that a man with a less than pristine criminal history is going to get a job working around other people's money. Still if it's what God wants for me then I'll get it. Wouldn't be too bad either. No weekends, probably a set schedule, and I wouldn't have a phone glued to my head all day. Doesn't sound too bad if you ask me.
On the minor updates I'm just about done with that book Paul lent me, and I'm getting the sense that there will be no blood baths. I wanted blood baths! Instead I get right-wing propaganda mixed in with a lot of really bad writing. I'm just glad there was no sex scene. With Flynn's very matter of fact style of description I don't think I could handle a clinical check list of intercourse. Let's see what else? Finished FFX-2, started a new game of You Are Empty, and that's about it. Just milling around, taking photos, and applying for jobs.
It isn't often that I find myself effected in a real emotional way by a piece of music. I don't mean a song with lyrics that I relate to or that surge of violent energy that a good rock song can produce, but the kind of feeling that grips you and takes you into a very private place. I think most people have experienced this. For whatever reason a piece of music can make you breathless, and it's the kind of experience where you feel changed in some intangible way.
When I was teenager I was in love with music. It was my entire existence, and I devoured anything and everything I could get my hands on. I wanted to hear every type of music from every corner of the earth, but in time I slowly began to hate it. I've long suspected that for a lot of people music is nothing more than a device to block out thoughts. It's like every spare moment of contemplation must to be filled with innocuous noise or else they'll have to face the vast emptiness of their heads.
I realize that this sounds far more snobbish and hostile than I'm intending it to, but I want to fully convey my disgust with populist music, and how time has jaded me to it all. There are plenty of good reasons to listen to music, not the least being that it can make you feel good, but the fact is that if you listen to, read, or watch mindless entertainment on a constant basis you become a mindless person. But I do listen to my fair share of populist garbage.
I suppose this is in part why I choose to express myself in ways that seem empty or harsh and atonal to the average person. But the fact is that I am expressing something in me that I can't place with words. Even if the subject matter is silly there's an under current of raw emotion and often violent hatred or pure joy that doesn't translate verbally. Of course I also spend a fair amount of time jerking off musically to get a sense of how things work, but when I have a vision I go for it guns blazing, and any one who has worked with me knows that attempting to get me to compromise even a single element of a song is useless. All that and I'm not the best musician so it's easier to express myself in this way if I'm being honest.
I'm saying all this because today I heard something that struck me dumb and for a while after words I sat alone playing it over in my head, contemplating it, and trying to figure out why it did what it did to me. When I was asked what I thought of it I couldn't answer the questions, and I still can't at this moment so I chose to write this.
The piece is by the Russian avant-garde compser Nikolai Roslavets (a Communist no less). It's Sonata No. 6 for violin and piano. I have never heard this before, but on the CD I purchased (bought for a dollar at a thrift store out of curiosity) the sonata is performed by Julia Bochkovskaya and Mark Lubotsky. I don't know what other versions of this piece sound like, but if you can find this particular version than you'll at least hear what I heard.
If you were to ask me what it was the piece made me feel then the only answer I can give is that it made me feel dozens of different emotions, constantly shifting from minute to minute. It's a piece that to me is both haunting and ominous, and it shifts so constantly that I just sat motionless for a long time.
Why this appeals to me in the way it does would take a lot of explanation about private things, some of which there aren't proper words for, and to some degree I'm not even sure of what it all means. So I created a slide show like my others, and edited the photographs according to how the music made me feel though a few are from previous shoots. It's a sort of continuation on a theme. The actual piece is nearly 30 minutes so if you can find it listen to it.
So here's a bit of ipso facto: If you can read The Da Vinci Code and take it seriously you are moron. I'm tempted to say that you're a moron if you even read it, but often times people get conned into reading populist trash because of hype of pressure from the peers. Sure I haven't read it, but Dan Brown paid a very nice compliment to the writing prowess of Vince Flynn (author of the monumentally stupid book I'm reading) so it's death by association. Oh the intellectual parsimony!
You know once some one tried to get me to read; a friend of mine, and I said I would if that person read I Am Jackie Chan. Every one around me just looked at me like I was a goon. So lets see biography of a real live human being vs total work of fiction. And I'm the idiot in this scenario apparently.
I'm in a playful mood and since most people that read this play video games I have two observations I've made:
1) Hunting games are the only type of video where the presence of feces is a good sign.
2) In Final Fantasy X-2 you actually have to participate in quest to get monkeys to fornicate.
What else? I won a shortwave radio on Ebay. Don't get too excited it's one of those high sensitivity portable deals. Not the big bad daddies that sit on your desk and look like a mixing console. My little friend is being shipped from Hong Kong so who knows when it will get here, but sooner or later I will be scanning the airwaves on my balcony. It gets AM and FM with 7 different sets of shortwave bands. I don't know what it is I'll be able to pick up on those thing. I suppose it depends on the when and where, but who knows. Keep your fingers crossed and maybe I'll record a numbers station.
Beyond that I have beaten the insomnia. Here's what you: Sometime after dinner, lets say 8 o'clock or so when it's dark and cool, I go for a nice long walk. Pop in the headphones and listen to my numbers stations while walking up and down the block and around the building. Then when I get back I take a nice long shower then stay away from the computer. I read or watch something and when I'm ready I'm out like a light!
If you're interested in downloading some music I have some for you to download. If you're not then you are not my friend and I hate you. It's called the Headphones only collection and it includes:
Jazz + Soul = Bionic Arm The Microscopic Liquid Underground Subway to Oblivion - The Last Station Recorded Dr. Leo Gavis - Improve Yourself Through Hypnosis Mr. 97 - The Great Black Mass
Download them, burn them to CD, and listen to them until you die.
Link: http://www.mediafire.com/?lmxidygyzv2
I also watched Sabotage directed by Alfred Hitchcock. I'm pretty sure a mad man wrote that movie. Definitely one of the most insane propaganda films I have ever seen. One filled with head scratching pontification and plot elements that seemed to just drop in from other films that happened to wandering by. What a world. Making digital monkeys have sex and stupid books.
These are my words. The photos are mine too. Please read and enjoy and don't forget to check out my Myspace music page which is linked below as well as twitter me. I do love recognition.
If you wish to contact me do so at angry_rant@yahoo.com
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