To make up for my lack of posts here's a bunch of stuff at once as you can see. This is a recording of an old song of mine that I pounded out earlier while it was raining. Not the best performance over all, but decent. Wanted to get it while the drizzle was still going. Call it rain song since I never actually wrote formal lyrics for it, and it was raining. Sounds better than "Untitled."
Here's the finished documentary I co-directed. It's short and about an average person who has accomplished nothing except being a human being. I always wanted to documentaries about average people so this is a start.
I don't think that it's any surprise that I don't keep my word when it comes to updating. Blogging to me is pretty much the same as calling people back. I think about it all day, but when it comes time to sit down and get to it I get distracted by something else. Not to mention that when it comes to making announcements every one that knows me knows that nothing I plan is ever written in stone. So let's trace everything back to my birthday a month ago. You know? When I was supposed to do an update. My birthday was pleasant. Mostly family with some friends around though everything got started late do to my friend's crazy wife. To be honest I don't remember much about it. I don't remember much about the last month for that matter. When you're unemployed the days tend to blend together.
Speaking of which my parents were in the news paper, and have appeared on national television. My other wrote a letter to one of the reporters of a local paper, and they did an interview. They even had my father play some of his music. Apparently some Associated Press people also wish to speak to them, but I stay out of it. I'm not sure my visage paints the most sympathetic picture, and besides that I just don't want to be known as the poster child for flat broke.
We'll be moving soon. God has blessed us and given us the means to survive long enough till the unemployment was reinstated. We had to sell off a few valuables, but in the end why get too attached to things you don't ever really use or think about? Not long ago I sold my blue bass guitar. Had it for nearly a decade, but hadn't touched it in God knows how long. I felt a sort of pang of regret, but I needed the money and it's in good hands. A former band mate who also cherishes it.
Recently I came to another realization that sort of startled me. Not because of the nature of the epiphany, but more the fact that it took so long to realize it. I had a fairly unpleasant run in with a girl I used to be close to. I don't think the nature of the problem needs to be stated, nothing serious though, just that she was lonely and looking for some one to be close to, and I wasn't falling for it. I tried to be diplomatic about it, but she didn't respond very will to the fact that I didn't just fall to my knees and thank the heavens.
So I stated politely that I would prefer never to hear from her again, and she responded with a stream of profane words. Anyways, the end result is that I felt moved by the whole experience and decided to write a song about the whole thing. I finished up a first draft that starting performing it when I it occurred to me that I had no idea what I was doing. I thought to myself that I would never play this song for any other person, and I began to wonder why?
The conclusion I came to was because I would be too scared to put myself out there like that. How do I know if it's any good? Would people laugh? I generally don't have that problem with the things I normally do, and then something occurred to me. The soundscapes, the fake names and characters, it's all just to create a barrier between me and the "audience" (I use that word generously). I want to express myself, but I don't want to really put myself out there and risk looking like a jerk.
So I think that maybe I'll just use my real name from now on (unless what I'm working on is based around a character like Kelly Correy Ritter). I'm even thinking about getting some people together and performing.
In other personal news I think I'm finally going to stop drinking all together (except for certain nights when I'm doing the buddy thing). No dramatic events have led up to this decision. I've just gotten sick of it. I had cut back dramatically, but around my birthday I came into money and my bad habit gradually got worse again. Once you get away from sustained hang overs and nausea long enough it's hard to get comfortable slipping back into that kind of life.
The real kicker was last weekend. My good friend and fellow Christian was having some troubles at home so he stayed at his parents house while they were away. Naturally misery needs company so I tagged along. It was two straight days of shiftlessness, day and night drinking, watching Norm McDonald, and working on projects. We even filmed a documentary about a friend of his.
I've always thought about doing documentaries about regular people. I don't mean some average person whose accomplished something big, but an average person who lives an average life. We filmed about 30 or so minutes worth of footage, and all that's left is to string it together. I'm really happy with the look so far so we ended up uploading the title sequence to YouTube. I'll post it at the bottom along with a link because posting videos on these blogs always end up with half the video missing.
I have some interesting thoughts and revelations concerning the Bible especially the nature of Hell. I think I'll share them in a separate post. I still hope to go to seminary next year so keep your fingers crossed. I realized that if it works out, if I can help people, and live a life I can be proud of then I have nothing to regret. The fact is that all my mistakes, all my procrastination, and waisted opportunities would be steps in a path that led to the person I would become. Till then I study and play Playstation 2.
So what am I working on? Well Striaghtline Comics is now a dot com. We're working on merchandise, and just hoping to whore ourselves out till me make something of it. A friend of a friend is starting a local zine and they want to use our comics as well as have me write for it. So if that pans out I can add published author and cartoonist to my resume. Either way check us out. I'll post links to everything at the bottom of the post. I would appreciate if every one who reads this becomes a fan. I also started a second comic called Corporal Gun Balloon. So check that out f you wish.
Well I hope this update was long enough. I wanted to make it worth reading after the extended silence. I appreciate and adore every one of you who left comments and encouragements. I do this for you and you only. Have a wonderful day, and now for the links:
I'm trying to repost this because it won't allow any one to click on the image to enlarge it. If I fail then I am sorry. So damn sorry.... OK now it seems to be working. There will be a non comic post coming soon, and some more comics as well. Enjoy as my life crumbles!
The last two weeks have been a time of celebration and despair. My life has gone into a sort of free fall. My family and I have hit the worst case scenario, and it looks like at the end of the month we'll be homeless. If we can get a little money together then if forced to we'll buy a camper, and basically live where ever we can. Florida has a lot of beautiful state parks with year round camping so if we can pull that off, despite being uncomfortable, there's something about it that sounds appealing.
The real problem is that all our unemployment payments have run out, and I can't find a job to save my life. Even the super crummy telemarketing jobs that used to pay well now want you to have bachelors degrees. I even went on a job interview that involved calling numbers out of the phone book to sell magazine subscriptions. I went with my dad. I believe we both got turned down. The interviewer was some 19 year old blond. You can tell she's never sold squat.
She told me that they were looking for some one who was "over the top." I explained to her that over the top is no problem for me. In fact it comes natural. She asked me to give her an example. I started to tell a story involving a band I was in, but thought better of it. I searched my mind, but couldn't come up with an example of me being over the top that was office friendly. Even at this moment I can't think of an example that doesn't involve profanity, jokes so off color they have no color, or excessive drinking.
Anyways I did not get the job. You know times are seriously tough when you can't even get a crummy job.
I don't know where I will end up at the end of this month, like I said, but I'm kind of looking forward to seeing the kind of person I become when I get through the other side of all of this. I have to believe God has a plan for me, and I know as well as he does that I could use a serious shaking up. Still, it's not easy. Who figures they're going to be homeless at 28? Luckily I have some good people around me willing to help as best they can.
On the bright side my sister got married. We are not Mormons so we couldn't go to the original ceremony since non Mormons aren't allowed in the temple. Two days later they came down and had a second ceremony for the family. I met my sister's husband for the first time as well as his family. His parents are Mormons by the way. Every one was so nice, and I had a little talk with her husband. He seems very cool though Mormons can be so enthusiastic that at times you might suspect them of condescension.
The ceremony was lovely. I saw some people I haven't seen in years, and the food was amazing. I was asked to get up and say a prayer before they did their vows in order to bless the union. I was busy video taping everything and forgot all about it. When they called me up my heart nearly jumped into my throat.
It was nice to forget about things for a while. Does it feel like the world is about to end at times? I'm not prone to anthropomorphizing tragedy, but there's so much going on in the world. So much chaos. I imagine this is how people felt when the stock market crashed, and then a few years later the entire world went to war.
Well time marches on, we keep growing, and so does my rapidly expanding interest in South Korean girl groups. Is it a guilty pleasure or something kind of cultural thing? Maybe both. Who knows? Well thank you all for reading. I will continue to update to let you know what's going on my life, and I hope I inspire some of you.
Discovered this today. My interest makes even me uncomfortable.
I entered the Toyota Music contest. Don't expect anything to come of it like I said, but here's the link. Voting will be allowed soon. Just click play to listen.
Since every one I know is entering a song in the Toyota Music contest I thought I might as well too. Not that I expect the song to get even the most modest amount of attention, but who cares? I wouldn't want a recording contract if they offered me one. Trust me when I say that. I know my personality well enough to understand I should never live that life.
As far as the song goes it's pretty left field. Not in the usual sense, but left field as in if you know me you probably wouldn't expect me to make a song like this let alone send it in to a contest. I've always secretly desired to make a dance album, and I've been working on it in my spare time. This is my favorite track so far, the most chilled, and not silly sounding like most of the other stuff I created. Hope you enjoy.
So you know, in case you wanted to vote for my song, if it does get accepted it won't be posted for a few days so I created this video to share with you; my friends both near and far.
Plus you can always check out my You Tube channel here.
It's coming down to the wire on the finances, but I have faith that things will work out. In case you're wondering I didn't post anything last week because I was busy. Not busy in the way I'm usually busy (read lazy), but busy as in nerve destroying busy.
It was a red letter week. Not only did I run my first Bible study Tuesday, but I gave my first sermon that Sunday. The subject of the study was the idea of sin, and how it has far reaches consequences that can effect others in ways we could never imagine. I used the story of Lot as a reference. If you're not familiar then read Genesis 19 (or perhaps a little further back if you want the back story). Essentially Lot moved into the city of Sodom which was known for its wickedness and excess.
The city is marked for destruction, and the angels tell Lot to flee to the mountains. Now I won't go into the entire story. I think pretty much every one is familiar with the pillar of salt bit, but I only set that up as a means to understand the last bit. In Genesis 19: 30-38 Lot's daughters get him drunk and both lay with him and become pregnant. The first daughter gives birth to Moab, and the second gives birth to Ben-Ammi. The former being the father of the tribe of Moab, and the latter being the father of the Ammonites.
I set the story up to specifically point out that single event. Later in Numbers, during the time of Moses and the exodus of the Israelites, the women of Moab would lure the men of Israel into ritual sexual practices and idolatry leading to the slaughter of 24,000 people. The Ammonites would make war with Israel for centuries. So the acts decisions of a single man culminated to a single act that would have consequences spanning centuries, and God only knows how many lives lost.
My point is that we do the very same thing in our own small way. Parents pass down negative traits to their children, their children pass it down to theirs, and generations of people are tainted by the choices of others. We pass down negative traits and ideas to our friends when we act certain ways. Even the people around us, our co-workers, and so on can be effected by our attitudes, and they can pass that down to others.
God gives us the tools and knowledge to cut this sin from our lives, but there's something I realized. Often I pray for the strength to turn away from certain kinds of bad behavior, but again and again I turn back to doing certain things. The reality is that alcoholics aren't made from one drink, marriages don't dissolve because of a single argument, but these kinds of deep rooted problems are made from years of bad decisions both big and small.
I was talking to a friend and she didn't really believe in religion. Knowingly I asked if that was because she didn't want to feel she had to be responsible to any one but herself (that's the polite way to coin the term selfish), and she said yes. She felt that she should be aloud to dress, act, say, imbibe, and do what ever she wanted without any one telling her what to do. It's odd that this attitude is so common. If people really stopped to think about these kinds of ideas on anything below a surface level they would be ashamed.
For instance two years back I and a friend stole some beer. We were drunk, and thought it would be funny, but we got caught. Hardly seems like a big deal, though I am ashamed of it, but who could have guessed that the economy would have gone the way it did (OK well a lot of people did actually), but because of my stupid choice I can't find a job, and this effects my family and not just me.
If it's drugs or supposedly harmless self mutilation (facial piercing and tattoos the latter of which I am also guilty) we always end up becoming someones problem in one way or another. Drugs don't buy themselves, you don't manufacture your own booze, offensive clothing (by which I mean clothing purchased with the intent to offend) don't fall from the sky. No matter what you do you will always involve others in your choices, and that's not even saying anything about how these things effect ourselves. But morality almost seems to be a thing of the past, set aside, and to be mocked by foul mouthed kinds on You Tube. Sometimes I think that if Darwin came back alive, and sat in front of You Tube for an hour to see what atheism has become (not that it was ever anything but destructive on some level or another) he would never stop throwing up. And yes I cribbed that line from a Woody Allen movie.
Coming back to my point instead of praying for God to rewrite our history what we should pray for is to have these things ripped from our lives. That God in his mercy and wisdom would do what ever it takes to guide us onto the right path. God's law is not arbitrary. We reap the consequences of our sin because sin is our bad choices.
I did a modified version of this on Sunday. Perking it up a little for the residents of the nursing home. I've gone to Karaoke bars and done all 15 minutes of Paradise by the Dashboard Light completely by myself, doing both male and female parts, then finishing it up by sliding on my knees across the floor, but I have never been so nervous in my entire life. I wanted to cry, puke, and run into walls.
It wasn't so much the public speaking part, not really at all, but the fact that I wanted to do it right. I'm not preaching for myself. I do it for others. To help enrich their lives with the word of Christ. I wanted to make sure it is something I am supposed to be doing. All in all I was disappointed. I guess I expected too much of myself. Every one said I did great, especially for a first timer, but it was hard. I was prepared for everything. Some of the residents aren't exactly completely right in their heads so it can be a distraction when they talk if you're not ready for it. But I will keep up. Study and work hard to ensure that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons.
In other news my birthday is coming up next month. I'll be 28 in case you're wondering. Hopefully I'll have a place to live when it does role around, but either way what does it matter? My short wave radio is working good. I sent out my first reception report last week, and I have two more to send out tonight. Been meaning to do it all weekend, but I've been distracted. Watched a few good movies I could recommend including Thirst (Korean film) and Manhunter.
What's going on? Well a lot, and not a whole lot. It had been decided for that I was going back to school. Of course I could have resisted, but when I think about if I don't want to keep answering phones for the rest of my life I might as well go for it. As far as I could see it my options boiled down to: Studying economics, getting a CPA (charted public accountant) license, directing, acting, or seminary.
I've had a deep interest in economics for a while (you could call it a hobby), but from what I understand studying economics is more numbers crunching than theory, and when it comes down to it what the heck am I going to do with a degree in economics in this economy. Being an accountant sounds roughly equal to being hit in the face with a rock, but people are always hiring accountants for some reason.
That narrows it down to the last three choices. I would like to be an actor or director to either participate in, or create, great art, but I know my personality quirks well enough to know that if I succeeded in either I would probably be that guy they find in a hotel room somewhere swinging from the curtain rod after a night of booze and drugs. So that kind of narrows things down.
A life of service for others doesn't sound bad at all. It's not so much a vague notion as you would think. What I would like to do is teach apologetics to teenagers. When I was in my early teens, like all kids, I was hit with that mixture of sexual awareness and the growing desire to rebel. At the time I was enrolled in a Messianic Jewish private school. I'm not Jewish by the way, but it's not as weird as it sounds.
The schools staff was made up of former burn outs, wild childs, and a rock musician or two. If you think people who had lived a bad life are the most qualified to steer you away from it then this was the exception that proved the rule. At the time I was struggling with wanting to listen to the music I wanted to listen to, watch I wanted to watch, and the only reason ever given to me for not doing these things is that daemons would probably leap out of the ventilation shafts and drag my soul to hell. Let's just say they weren't the brightest spiritual leaders in existence.
As an example once a year we had the Purim celebration. Basically we would skip all but a couple of classes, and they would stuff us full of candy, and make us watch the Princess Bride (every year for 8 years). Well come Bible study class we're bouncing off the walls. Not have we been eating candy all day, we've had to sit in place while we did, and youth plus sugar equals explosive hyper activity. Now a rational person would just send us outside for some exercise. However, our teacher decided it would be better to cast out the daemons that had possessed us through prayer. Take note: when I say she prayed to cast out daemons I don't mean she just prayed for us to calm down, she literally was attempting to cast daemons out of us.
This is the type of behavior I see to often in the church. Yes, this is an extreme example, but not uncommon. Far too often I see a picture painted of a completely arbitrary God who hands down laws, not to save us from ourselves, but as means to punish us. Don't do this or that or else you go straight to hell. Hell, even as an adult I get paranoid about the dark thanks to years of being told that daemons are lurking around ever corner waiting to possess me should I listen to the wrong music.
My point is that God's law is not arbitrary. There are real social and economic consequences for certain types of behavior. The Bible is not some code book of magic spells best read if you check your brain at the door. Science does not annihilate faith, in fact it strengthens it. There is more truth and reason in the Bible than any other book I can think of, but that reality is rarely ever addressed.
It's you either go to hell or you go to heaven to receive riches and reward. I was told as a kid that when you went to heaven you got a golden mansion, and boxes of jewels and gold. What? Why would you need that? You're dead. Does heaven have a monetary system? If so then inflation must be a serious problem if every one is super rich!
OK back on track. I want to teach this reality to teenagers. It's at a certain age where the world most attempts to pull them away. A world of selfishness and reactionary thinking, and if there is nothing I hate more than reactionary thinking. I want to teach them the reality of God's law. Appeal to their intellect and involve them in that intellectual process that will not only strengthen their face, but help to equip them with a broader basis for life.
But it seems my plans are on hold for another year. Classes are coming up soon, and it looks like I might have to move to a more affordable living situation. Where this will lead I have no idea, but I suppose I'll have to just have faith.
As a side note I got my new shortwave radio in, and it works like a charm, but more importantly I would like to give a shout out to the thus far unknown person or persons of Asian origin who reads this blog and leaves comments. I'm not sure what country you come from (I thought it was Taiwan at one point, but I can't remember how I arrived that conclusion), either way forgive my ignorance. Your comments and encouragement are much appreciated, and I think I just might update more often thanks to you. Much love my friend.
Golden Dog: The Barkening is The comic miss adventures of a small boy named Oztrooj and his friend Golden Dog.Please click the link below and subscribe or something thing like that.
Guess what? In the midst of my projects, and the not updating my blogs, I decided to start another blog. Counter productive? Mayhap! I've also updated a few links on this site concerning the blogs I read, and sorry if you were fan of the Belated Game Review Blog. I deleted that as well.
As for my new blog it's called The Crazy Portal. In it I will be addressing and posting all of the crazy conspiracy theory stuff, and holistic/ghost/witch craft things I find on the net every day as well as comment on them.
It's been quite a while since I've updated this thing. Part of that has been because I wanted to start posting more substantial and creative things, and the other part of that is due to a lack of things to say. I toyed with the idea of shutting this blog down and starting again whenever I figured out what it was I wanted to say, but why bother? I have, however, figured something out.
I often put off projects that I start, and never finish them. This is usually because I lose interest past a certain point, but the fact is that time and time again I end up dropping things because my perspective changes at some point. Like all artists I want to be recognized, I want some form of validation, but I never thought that what it is I did had much of an appeal to any one but me. Heck, even most of my friends don't want to listen to my music unless they took some part of it, and can revel in their own contributions. In other words I didn't think any one would give a crap.
Then I saw this:
This lead to some other things, and I soon realized that there really is some kind of an audience for the type of thing I do. Or at least something similar. So, God willing, I am working on a commercial project that I will attempt to distribute in the hopes of getting myself heard and maybe even signed. I'll be taking all my tricks and everything I have learned in the past two years of digital recording, and will be working on something that is the culmination of all my skills. Something that will push the boundaries of what I am capable of.
The concept? All I will say is that last night I went out do dinner at some trendy Haitian restaurant on South Beach to celebrate my friend's wife's birthday. It was a very cool upscale place with a live jazz band. Very hip, but the net effect of all the people in the place and the music, made it really difficult to make out what any one at my table was saying. So I spent most of the night just listening to all the sounds around me, and cracking a few jokes when I could figure out what any one was talking about.
At some point some ones cell phone vibrated against the table behind us, and something struck me. I'm not going to go into details. I realize this sounds fairly confusing as to how a cellphone vibrating against a table could lead to the inspiration for a new musical project, but it's a lot more complex than it sounds and not what you might guess. Either way I continue to semi- weekly update my film blog, which you can click on on the list to the left, so if you're looking for some film recommendations then go there. Well, considering what I've been watching lately you might just go there to read about what not to watch. This blog will get updated sporadically. No promises.
Went to the emergency room on Sunday because I was starting to get paranoid about my injury. A few x-rays later and it turns on I didn't break a rib. I still might have a hair line fracture, but it's most likely that I just bruised it badly. Non the less I have appropriately altered my behavior. I have a few posts and things coming up soon. For the moment I wait...
I could have used a few more strange and ominous dreams last night. Who wouldn't kill for 7 or so hours of restlessness and terror?
I've had a certain kind of recurring dream all of my life. The funny thing is that it's happened so often that when the dream begins I become aware of the fact that I'm dreaming. In the dream I'm laying in bed. Everything feels very real like I've just woke up. Suddenly something unseen will begin to try and pull away my covers. If I resist the thing will crawl up my bed, staying under the covers until it's resting on top of me. If I try and hold it back it will leap up onto me. Generally I just close my eyes and let the sensation pass, but this time the dream kept playing over and over again. Finally the last time I resisted the thing that sprang up was the band Guns and Roses. Even in the dream I said to myself in disbelief "Guns and Roses?" before shaking myself awake.
I suppose the only really funny part about that is that I could only make out the face of their guitar player Slash. The other members faces were covered in shadow. Does that sound like symbolism? I sat up and watched some TV to make sure I didn't slip back into the dream pattern, and pondered what this might have meant. The reason quickly occurred to me: I don't actually know what the other members look like.
Well I am back from vacation one bruised rib richer and a little more cash poor. We went and stayed in the city of Cutler Ridge which is only about 45 minutes from our house. We wanted to make a day of wandering around Metro Zoo, and since we had a nights worth of hotel points at the La Quinta we ordered a suite.
I've never been to Cutler Bay, but the place is strange. The whole town seems to exist in the year 1998. The sky was constantly overcast in the area we stayed in giving it this sort of haze like old memories. There was a mall across the street, and I walked over to see if they had a book store. It turned out there was no bookstore in town let alone the mall, but they did have a Things Remembered store. When was the last time you saw those or a Joe Ann's Crafts? Their radio shack sold shortwave radios and I toyed with investing 50 bucks on one with a digital tuner, but decided against it.
Earlier that day we went to a couple of state parks and took pictures. The weather was gorgeous if not just a little too warm. I saw a family of manatees floating on the waters surface, and cursed to myself at how expensive state park souvenirs are. It was a very quiet day, but my one big discovery came later that when I was using my shortwave.
Something blocking the lower bands for over an hour. Just across the bay is the nuclear power plant Turkey Point so I figured it might have had something to do with that. This was around the time you can usually pick up the V2 Numbers Station out of Cuba. I could pick up nothing, but a faint bit of music drifting across the band. I gave up and went hiking down a back road known to have crocodiles sunning on the shore. I didn't see any, and decided to check my shortwave again when I got back. What ever was jamming the upper bands was gone and I could clearly pick up the V2. You can read my entry By The Numbers if you're not sure what a numbers station is.
Now I've wondered for a while if the patterns of numbers change. If they don't then it probably means business as usual. If they do change then that means some one somewhere is definably receiving orders. Guess what? The message was different this time. In fact at one point a sequence of numbers (cero, quatro, cinco, uno or 0451) repeated with spaces in between each sequence. This means a 4 letter word was repeated 4 times for some reason. Think about that.
Later that night I decided to go to bed early so I started taking some shots and watched The Great American Song Book on PBS. I don't know what happened, but I woke up with a huge bruise on my side like some one had punched me, and no idea how I got it. I remember just going to bed when the program was over, but something must have happened.
The next day we went to the zoo, and walked around in the hot sun. I took my camera, but at some point I found myself taking pictures more of the interesting details in the scenery or shots that look more authentic than trying to just take pictures of animals. I guess there's something fairly pedestrian about just taking straight pictures of caged animals.
There's nothing all that interesting about going to the zoo so I'll share an odd bit of news before I sign off. Last Sunday I went down to Miami with a friend of mine. He wanted some one to keep him company while his wife and her friends shopped at Bay View. Later that day we sat down to dinner when one of the girls related a strange fact.
A friend of hers had just come back from serving in Afghanistan, and told her about this event that happens every Thursday that roughly translated to "Man Love Thursdays." He told her that on Thursday all the women stay in doors and the men of Afghanistan go out and have sex with each other. I listened politely and logged this tid bit in my head as being utter crap, but decided to look it up should I remember it. Well it turns out it's true.
Apparently not only does homosexual sex take place, but child prostitution as well. Not a lot is known about this even in the Western world, but apparently the men of Afghanistan have a similar view of homosexuality as did the Greeks. In fact it is a common practice of men in power to take a young boy for a lover. Don't believe me? Well there's always Google.
I haven't written much lately because I've been busy and didn't want to apply the effort. So really it's because I'm lazy. This last two or so has been a mixture of blessings, revelations, and semi misery. Things at home had been a little rough, but after talking to a friend I've realized that my attitude, or more so the way I respond, to that persons behavior, as unacceptable as it may be, is as much a part of the problem as anything else. The Bible tells us to honor our father and mother. Not just to honor them if they're right. So I changed my approach and attempted to communicate with them with as much love and understanding, and not assigning blame, and things have gotten much better. I've began to reconnect with a person who I had began to utterly loath.
With me as with all people when a person hurts us we lash out. We feel worthless so we want to let that person know that they hurt us, and how they hurt us which is in a way a sort of narcissism. I suppose the best way to change a person is to be loving with them and set the best example you can. We cannot always change peoples minds. In fact you cannot change a person who isn't willing to arrive at that conclusion on their own no matter you say, and no matter how strong your argument is. Some people will always remain willfully ignorant, but regardless the true test to yourself is whether or not you can forgive them, even if they never recognize it, and continue to love them.
Now that I've said that I've also come into some money. My tax return ended up being 800 instead of 300. I didn't get any more than the hundred that was promised to me, but it allowed us to catch up on our bills, and that's not even mentioning what we can afford to contribute my sister's wedding.
But before that an unexpected surprise came up. I was chatting with the same friend I mentioned earlier when he said that was looking to buy a Yamaha bass guitar. I asked him why and he said he's like Yamaha's ever since the one he would play back when we were in a band together. I mentioned I still owned it and he offered me 200 bucks for it. I thought that was a little too much so I gave it to him for 175. I gave a hundred to my parents then bought booze and video games.
Tomorrow I will be going to Metro Zoo which is of course a zoo and staying in a hotel down in Miami. Should be fun to revisit hotel living once more. So I'll be bringing my awesome new back pack, my shortwave radio, and a fist full of gumption.
For some time now I have been attempting to find a backpack. I often go out to state parks to take photos, read, and use my shortwave so there's a few items I usually take with me. The thing is backpacks that aren't made for children cost big money. You would think that thrift stores would have tons of these things laying around, but it took me a month to find one that suited my needs.
It may not look like much from the photo, but it's one serious backpack. It's the kind you take mounting climbing or on a walking tour of Western Europe or a mystical island that travels through time. Its got all kinds of pockets and spaces, a separate compartment for my books, and even a waist strap should I need to traverse vertical surfaces. So now I was ready.
The journey continues...
Today we went to Virginia Key. We walked down the beach to a more secluded area by the jetties, and I took pictures, and then sat down to read. The place was beautiful and there were these strange native American looking symbols painted onto some of the rocks in the surrounding are.The weather was about as nice as its ever been. It was windy, but not too cold; so I could finally wear shorts again.
I sat down at a bench that was shaded by a couple of intertwining fir trees, and whipped out my shortwave, but the only thing interesting that I picked up in my native tongue was Voice of America out of Washington D.C. I sat and listened to news updates about Baghdad for a while, and eventually my parents walked further down the beach and I began to study 1st Samuel. Then it happened....
The battle begins...
I'm up to chapter 4 when suddenly I get a flash of something out of the corner of my eye. A very odd looking, mostly blond, raccoon has climbed up on the picnic table with my parents stuff, and is attempting to abscond with their lunch box. I walk over figuring that he'll just beat it, but the bold little son of a B attempts to make for the woods.
I follow after him and start stomping and barking, but by that point he's dragging the box off into a bush. I wasn't about to try and grab the raccoon. After all I got a good look at his fangs when he bit the lunch box, and they're a lot larger than you would think. Finally after several attempts at anti-raccoon posturing I grabbed the handle and tugged the thing away from him, but that's not where it ended...
The battle continues...
My parents arrived at the scene and laughed at the struggle. Thinking I had won I turned my head to see if maybe there was something on the table I could give to the little fellow, when he darted out of the bush and sunk his teeth into the lunch box in an attempt to snatch it from me! The audacity.
I clamped both hands down on the handle and spun the lunch box around thinking he would let go, but he didn't. I lifted him off the ground and spun him around in a circle (gently). I made it a full 360 degrees before he finally let go and ran off into the woods... to plan his next move no doubt.
So let it be written:
On this day Matthew son of Mark rose forth from the word, and reclaimed the box of lunch from that which is known as raccoon.
The rest of the day was not as eventful. I had a very pleasant and mostly quiet afternoon. I took lots of pictures, ran into some chick doing a modeling session out by the cliffs, and had a nice tuna salad. I'll post some pics sooner or later... maybe.
What a world. I'm listening to a news program on radio Japan when a story comes up about Japan's general economic free fall. Apparently they have the highest public debt of any industrialized nation in the free world. This has lead to an increase in suicides and as the business year comes to a close they expect a rash of further suicides as their economic situation is expected to get more serious. Their government is currently trying to drum up interest by offering bonds to foreign countries, but the amount of interest in them depend on whether or not the Japanese government can convince foreign investors that they will be the key to solving Japan's economic crisis.
The report also claimed that last year there was something around 36,000 suicides (don't hold me to that. I believe it's what they said) which is up from around 33,000 in 2008. I looked it up and last year America reported around 33,000 suicides. Consider that their population is less than half the size of ours and you get the general idea of how serious the problem is. Currently their government is running an add campaign that includes TV spots and billboards to help stem the expected tide of fresh suicides. Kind of shocking.
So I opened on a downer and now I'll segue into this. I praise God for helping our family out right on time and just how we needed it. First off my uncle is doing much better. He will probably be in the hospital for another week, but he is in much less pain and will be back to eating solid food soon enough.
Then the Lord blessed us financially. We did not know how we were going to pay this month's rent as we were several hundred dollars shorts. On top of that unemployment had some sort of processing error with my payments and I was unable to receive a dime of benefits for nearly two months so things have been more tight than usual. Well today just before our rent came due nearly eight hundred dollars was deposited into my account giving us what we needed to pay out rent. As if that isn't enough I am getting nearly 400 dollars back on my tax return and will get to keep a hundred dollars of it so drinks are on me when the money comes in.
Now all I need is a place that will actually hire me.
As those that follow me on Facebook might have caught I'm thinking that learning Morse code is kind of like having some one stab you in the brain with a stick. Without the radio to sort of filter out most of the harshness of beeping it can get on your nerves to sit down for 10 minutes at a time listening to random beeps. Well more to come. Just thought I would share my good news with ya'll.
My 5 year old niece wrote and directed this with my help.
It's been an interesting week of ups and down. To begin with my uncle nearly died. His appendix ruptured and infection spread through out his entire intestinal area. He was held over night before being operated on and is very lucky to still be alive. We went to visit him in the hospital and it was a heartbreaking thing to witness. My uncle is mentally ill and didn't seem to have a real grasp on what was going on. It was sad to see him there with tubes running all around his body, but he did keep calling the nurses "waitress" so I suppose there's a little humor to be found in everything. He'll be there for a week for two depending on how well he recovers.
Most of the last week was spent outside of the house and in the southern tip of Florida. We went to Holiday Park which is an RV park where you can watch alligator wrestling and camp over night. A herd of peacocks lives in the park and you can see them wandering around the tourists or perched on the railings above the picnic tables crowing at each other. Hearing the sound of a peacock's cry when you're walking through the reeds and swamp ground can be oddly unnerving.
Twice we went to Everglades National Park which is one of the large national parks like Yosemite or Yellow Stone. The place is massive and can take hours to drive around. I liked this place the most out of all the destination's I've visited recently. There's all kind of paths and detours that seem somehow separate from each other. There's Flamingo Key where you can sit by the docks and watch Crocodiles sunbath. You could take a tour down an elevated walkway that cuts through a half mile of swamp land filled with alligators. I saw dozens and dozens of them laying asleep on the shore. Tourists from around the world come here. I heard English, German, Japanese, Chinese, and Australian accents to name a few. But then in the midst of all that you can drive down an empty dirt road tucked away in a side path, and end up by a small lake that casts a blue tint on the canopy above and nothing moves. Even the wind seems to hang in the air. A place like that makes you feel like you're the only person left in the world.
We went Friday and then back again on Sunday because we missed the tour of the Nike Missile Silo. It's a decommissioned nuclear launch sight that was build during the Cold War should we have needed to launch missiles at Cuba. We were informed by the guide that the missiles formerly housed there were of the 40 kiloton variety. That figure may sound abstract, but consider that the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were only 15 kilotons and you get the idea. The nature of sin is a funny thing. You have this tiny island that gets taken over by greedy men with silly ideas and decades later this tiny little island threatens to cause a nuclear war. Had we had to bomb them most of the southern tip of Florida would have had to be evacuated due to the fall out drifting back towards us, and most of the animal life in the glades could have been killed. All in the name of socialism.
After we took the tour my parents went back to the alligator pit and I went off by myself down the Gumbo Limbo nature trail. The whole mile long or so stretch runs under a canopy of fern trees and thick strands of hanging moss. I was mostly alone there, passing only a few older couples going in the opposite direction. The place was sort of incredible. It was strangely cool there. Not the dull sort of cold that of everywhere else, but an unusual cold that seemed to have a tinge if warmth hidden it, and there was no breeze so the woods remained still and silent. It was kind of like walking through some enchanted forest in a movie. It was all very haunting in a sort of way.
Speaking of haunting I was going through some emails last night when some kind of suggestion thing popped up on the right hand side along with a name. In my owned buzzed sense of interest I went over to Facebook, popped in the name, and there was that pair of equally haunting eyes. That marked my second sentimental intrusion involving a woman that day. I sat for a long while and just looked into her eyes and traced her features with mine. She never seemed to like the way she looked, but I always thought she was stunning. If or when she reads this she'll probably be angry. I've always found that despite women's constant attempts to intrude into a man's emotional center they always seem to find sentimentality in a man repulsive. At least my every attempt at the emotion has always been treated with a certain contempt as if the act of thought was intentionally perverse. I toyed with the idea of sending a friend request, but everything I just wrote slowly began to occur to me, and I decided not to. That person decided to stop speaking to me, and I may never know exactly why, but then maybe she doesn't either. It's just funny how something as simple as a pop up in your email box can lead to a rush of conflicting emotions. Still I wonder at times when I'm alone and I get just a little sad. I'm not sure how this sounds to any one else, but it's a compliment in a way. A person makes a certain kind of impression on you, a very unique one in fact, and sometimes things just linger in the back of your mind. Like those eyes.
Beyond this I seem to be sort of between hobbies. I've been doing a lot of reading lately, playing games sporadically here and there, working on music and movie reviews, and using my shortwave radio. I brought the radio with me out to the park where there would be little interference. I had a little luck the first time, but on the second trip I pulled it out by a small lake and got signals from all around the world. Parts of Europe, the Middle East, Asia, Canada, and I even found an English language station coming out of India. I go home and bookmark these sights after I find them. Many of the international stations have live streaming as well as audio on demand. It's fascinating how something I spent ten dollars on has opened up my world so much. I've learned about famous Ukrainian citizens, heard aboriginal Cuban music, listened to readings of Italian short stories, and of course it's always interesting to hear a foreign perspective on American news. For instance no one in Germany seems to understand why Barack Obama hasn't been able to accomplish most of his pre election agenda or why he hasn't started walking on water yet.
It goes to show you that even though things in the United States seem fairly silly at times the rest of the world is just as, if not more so, silly. Try looking up the Chinese peoples concern over the red envelopes children receive during the spring festival. As funny news items go apparently thanks to the recession Florida has seen a decrease in annual shark attacks. Less money means less people at the beach and less people at the beach means less people to be attacked by sharks. I suppose it makes sense.
On a different note as far as my new movie reviews are concerned I should have a half dozen up by the end of the day. Like I mentioned I've decided to write something like short hand reviews so none of them will be more than two paragraphs for the most park. I'm also trying to teach myself Morse Code! I downloaded a program for it. Who would have thought? Now if only we can survive this month.
Don't worry I have more short films and reviews coming I'm just trying to get one whole day to myself so I can get everything done at once. That day should be tomorrow so watch out.
So yesterday I broke some kind of worlds record for shortest time having held down a job. I go to this call center to apply for a sales position (IRT). Well the normal course of action is that they have you take a couple of tests and then you do a short interview, but they were so jazzed by credentials (not to mention I give a great interview. Ladies you would be so turned on by how sexy my interview skills are) they booted me through the second interview, had me take a drug test there on the spot, and then told me I was hired.
The job didn't pay all that well. Nine dollars an hour plus a bonus couple of bucks for schedule adherence, and incentives of a dollar or two for sales. So I figure as long as I'm on time, and I sold a product or two an hour I could easily make around 14 or 15 dollars an hour. I even did a roleplaying exercise, and aced it so hard that they decided (since the job didn't pay all that well) that they would go ahead and assign me a monday through friday 9 to 5 schedule once I get out of training! Only vets get those kinds of hours. They did everything except carry me out of the office on their shoulders.
Well I get home and take a nap. Mid nap I get a call from the company saying, "Oops we forgot to do a background check on you, and since you have a misdemeanor charge from two years ago we can't hire you."
Looks like my camping trip has been canceled. That's two for two. The last I was supposed to go camping when I was a little kid and it got rained out. I was so disappointed and now I feel that shame for a second time.
On a lighter note I will get back to updating my film blog. I've decided to try and sum films up in a two paragraph maximum. Keeps things short and easy to read. Lets face it if you're looking for a review on an old film then you most likely know what the film is about. So two knew reviews will be coming very soon.
I've also decided to start an animated series of videos called "Conversations I've Actually Had" and will be featuring it on YouTube as well as my blog. Believe it or not it's centered around conversations I've actually had. Here's the first one and don't forget to check my blog post below for my previous animation.
Ironic expression seems to be this generations primary currency. We ironically reference things over and over to the point where we end up ironically referencing ironic references. Where would shows like Family Guy be if they didn't constantly fall back on ironic referencing. The funny thing is that at times we ironically reference things that annoy us, and before we know it those things become a part of who we are. Consider terms like "fail" or LOL speak. Even I find myself gradually beginning to work these things into my regular vocabulary when my original intent was to make an ironic joke by using them. We have become the thing we hate most.
Speaking of Family Guy I wouldn't mind weighing in on the whole Sarah Palin thing. Personally I find Seth McFarlane to be a coward. He made a joke that was intended to be offensive, and offensive especially to a specific individual, and claiming that she has no sense of humor is just a total cop out. It's like some little kid who makes loud noises to intentionally irritate any one within ear shot, and when some one finally does get mad they skulk around and wonder why every one is being mean.
If he had just said "too bad," and stuck by the fact that he intended to offend her then I would at least give him credit for that. He made an intentionally offensive joke, and some one got offended. So claiming that she has no sense of humor is no better than the kid making loud noises. I can't think of a parent alive who wouldn't at least be irked by a retarded joke aimed at their kid. Let alone one on national television. So point in fact Seth McFarlane is a coward. Who would have guessed?
It's all apart of this generations shallow quest to find meaning in facile grabs for attention. If you get plugs in your ear, tons of piercing on your face, and a sleeve of tattoos don't act indigent when some people (rightfully) look at you funny. And why is it that people who dress like freaks always say, "This is who I am." So the infinite complexity of nature and environment, the never ending cycle of growth and discovery, life and death, knowledge, and emotion is some how distilled down to a tattoo of a coy fish with an astrological sign on its forehead leaping out of a pot leaf that's being held by a flaming clown with boom boxes for feet? Are you kidding me? That's who you are? But I suppose that's how some people might choose to express themselves when they have no talent or anything of meaning to say. Just admit that your dyed your hair purple because you wanted the attention, and we can call it a day. You know that the truth is floating around somewhere in the back of that empty head of yours.
I speak to no one in particular by the way. Just ranting. After all I have three tattoos and I'm honest about my motives so I know what I'm talking about.
In other news I should be going on a camping trip next week. Going to northern Georgia to hunt deer and crap in an outhouse. I'm not sure how I feel about all that to be honest, but why not? It's an adventure and too few of those come along these days. I figure it would be stupid to deprive myself. Besides I've been given back the chance to camp that God took from me when I was a kid. I'll be leaving Friday or Saturday and will be back Tuesday... I think.
Oh and I made a cartoon. Yes, I did make this so go to YouTube and give it a million stars and a bunch of nice comments.
Because at some point you might start getting into it, and the next day you'll wake up and have a horrible revelation that perhaps tens of millions of people spend most of their days getting high because that's the only explanation you can come up with for that woman's career. That and a hype machine so massive that nothing can escapes its orbit.
So where have I been? Well let me say I'm dead tired and being dead tired turns me into a fleshy mattress of hate so I ain't correcting or proof reading nothing! Around but not inspired to write. Lets face it the only person who reads this thing consistently doesn't live in the same country as most of us, and doesn't even speak to me. On the other hand lots of interesting things have been happening lately.
First of all there's this email I received today from one Trevon Fisher
How shrewd of Trevon to have guessed my love of not nudism in the plural, but a singular nudism. But it's not so much of a trick. Who doesn't love abstract nudism?
Then a few days ago two very interesting things happened. We went down to Miami and took a wrong turn. After ending up under and over pass we decided to get out and take some pictures. While milling around I noticed a rather expensive looking Chinese vase laying on its side on the rocks and part way into the ocean. I climbed down and pulled it out of the water to find all kinds of fancy sea shells inside as well as a bunch of bead necklaces and little statues of snakes and nautical things. Very odd.
A little later we beat it when some drunk teenagers showed up and starting fighting and made it to our original destination which was Virginia Key; a state park. I brought my shortwave radio with me because I wanted to see what I could pick up when I'm in a more secluded area amongst nature and not so many antennas. After taking a few pictures I finally settled down by the beach and pulled my radio out when it happened. Remember my long post about numbers stations? Well the whole thing is what drove me to get a shortwave radio, but up until then I hadn't found one. Well I sit down and literally the second station I pull up is this:
I made this little video when I got home so I would appreciate every one watching it.
So the rest of the week went on and I got a visit from an old friend, a reunion with an old band mate, and a lot of lounging under my belt. Then today we went to Bill Bag's State Park where I once again brought my camera and radio. I do have a lot of great pictures to post up so be patient.
The interesting thing about Bill Bag's is that it has an old lighthouse by the waters and you climb to the top and look out across the ocean.
My original plan was to climb to the top and whip out my radio, but about half up I discovered for the first time that I don't exactly like heights. The cast iron steps would sway a little when you walked up them, and all I could think about was crashing six stories down under a heap of metal. When I finally did reach the top I didn't dare pull out my precious radio if nothing for the fact that I kept thinking "God if I fall please kill me before I hit the ground!" So here's some math for you:
Lighthouses = Fuck You
The bright side is that my shortwave was jumping with world wide activity. I picked up stations from the Netherlands, Haiti, Cuba, France, the Middle East, and more. I even got the V2 numbers station again, and this time I brought my tape recorder with me. I was even lucky enough to capture the end of the broadcast, but found that a few minutes later the broadcast started playing again on a different frequency. I wonder if that's unusual. Spooky stuff.
That pretty much breaks down the more interesting parts of the last couple of weeks. I'll probably post another video of the V2. I'm also going to be working on some music with my old band mate, and beyond that it's life as usual. Well thank you all for reading this, and l hope you all keep sticking with me. My life has got to get more interesting sooner or later.
I got pretty wasted and tried to get Ed to do this at 3 o'clock in the morning.
These are my words. The photos are mine too. Please read and enjoy and don't forget to check out my Myspace music page which is linked below as well as twitter me. I do love recognition.
If you wish to contact me do so at angry_rant@yahoo.com
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The Proposal
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Directed by Anne Fletcher. Written by Pete Chiarelle. Starring Sandra
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Touchstone Pictures - 2009
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