The last three days have been as low key as they get. Various doctors appointments for my parents, and a job interview for my mom has kept me stuck at home. So it’s just been Playstation 2, and working on some songs for my new project. Not the most exciting time.
I did manage to watch Uwe Boll’s “1968 Tunnel Rats” which is about soldiers during the Vietnam War whose it was to climb into tunnels made by the Vietcong that would serve as command centers, living quarters, or passages to other parts of the jungle. Often times the tunnels, if not filled with enemy soldiers, where also brimming with traps.
It lived up to the half competent genius of Boll’s previous works. His use of natural light, choosing, a gritty subject matter, and decent actors made up the best parts, but he still doesn’t seem to know that having soldiers fire Rambo style into the jungle with no purpose doesn’t exactly fit a Vietnam epic. Not to mention the editing is a bit hay wire, but you do get to see a guy dismember a corpse in order to crawl past it if that’s your thing.
Oh and let me give a shout out to my home dude up who keeps the Earth safe from the jazz menace! Also check out my friend D.J. Ginsberg’s homepage for updates and a new lyrics section for his music.
Say… have you ever wanted to know what one of those Chi alchemy handbooks looks like that’s locked away in the top of a temple in the top of a mountain? Well it looks like this.
So pitch man Billy Mays also dies at age 50 of currently unknown causes. That's really going to hurt his reality show ratings.
On more a positive note I am currently working on an "anti-folk" album under the name Kelly Corey Ritter which will be titled "I Feel Like Shit". It will be a mixture of relationship based crappy folk songs, and more childish material inspired by Daniel Johnston and Kimya Dawson. This has been a project I've been toying with for a while, and only recently found the style I want to use. There are three songs in the works with one finished, and a planned total 10 songs for the album.
I've posted the first completed song "Fart Submarine" here free for download for my friends.
Keep in the mind I am playing character who is supposedly mildy retarded. Please enjoy. There is also a planned music in the works for Fart Submarine. I wish to enlist the help of my friend Ed and his girlfriend for shooting. The part of the submarine has already been filled by another friend of mine. So when you read this Ed I need your help.
Well tonight I am going to debate about on the possibility of extra-terrestial life seeding our planet. I will destory them!
(note to download the song click on the downward arrow thing next to the song title on the page linked above)
Well today has mostly been sitting in, and having an Orochi 2 marathon, but I did get around to watching two movies. First was Pete Kelly’s Blues. Now how about this for a cast list: Jack Webb, Lee Marvin, Janet Leigh, Peggy Lee, Andy Devine, Ella Fitzgerald, Martin Milner, Herb Ellis, Jayne Mansfield, and Edmond O’Brian.
Not convinced?
How about a movie where Jack Webb punches out Lee Marvin, not once, but twice?
Still not convinced?
How about lines like “You look like a banjo player who ate a big breakfast” or “They say you got rubber pockets so you could steal soup”
Then since it was still early I finally got around to convincing my father to watch Memories Of Murder. It was directed by Bong Joon-ho who also directed The Host. It also stars Song Kang-ho who played Park Gang-Du in the Host as well as another cast member or two. Much like The Host (Memories of Murder came first) the film is funny and touching at moments, frightening at others, and heart breaking.
If you’re new to Korean cinema I would recommend watching both Old Boy which is one of the most inventive and emotionally draining film experiences I’ve ever witnessed, and Attack The Gas Station which was hysterical. Both are easy to find, and fairly well known in the U.S. of A.
Say, would you like some answers about the sad state of our world? Well you’re not getting any! I’m not sharing. So instead meet the Wiccan wife of the owner of Rotting Corpse Records. She likes working with children, taro, and producing records for a band called Baby Stab Horror. You know with it’s sort of atonal nature metal could be an a more interesting and artistically valid music if it would drop the Satanism, Anarchy, mutilation nonsense. Or maybe not.
So for the last couple of days I’ve managed to acquire a few items of leisure for which I am glad to share with you, my adoring public. First off I traded in a few movies at Movie Stop, and got enough credit to get the John Wayne Western’s Collection box set which includes The Sons of Katie Elder, El Dorado, The Shootist, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, True Grit Special Collector’s Edition, Rio Lobo, Big Jake, Hondo Special Collector’s Edition, and the McLintock Authentic Collector’s Edition… what ever that means. All remastered and in wide screen, and with the remaining credit I wrangled Donovan’s Reef starring John Wayne and Lee Marvin. That’s more John Wayne than any man could hope for, and certainly more than any man deserves.
I also used the birthday moneys my grandfather gave me to purchase a copy of Ghostbuster: The Video Game. This is only interesting because I got a free ten dollar movie voucher along with it which I used to see Up in not one, not two, but three dimension. Shit!
The movie was excellent, and had a nice bittersweet tone that lent some depth (zing!) to what was mostly a lot of running around in brightly colored environments. Still I’m not sure what, if anything, was gained by watching the film in 3D instead of the standard two dimensions. The actual 3D itself was done very well, and the films director did the smart thing and limited the whole “things flying at your face” effect. Occasionally objects or animals did seem to swoop in from the side of your head, which frankly is a bit jarring, but for the most part it simply looked more like some kind of beautiful pop-up book.
After the movie I had to ask myself whether or not the 3D element made the film more immersive, and in retrospect I don’t think it did. In fact you really just forget you’re watching a 3D film once you get sucked into the story except for the odd moment where a wisp of smoke or a dog flies in from under your chin. This is the second film (both animated) I have seen in the new 3D (and personally I thought Beowulf was a little more impressive), but I’d like to see something live action before I make up my mind.
So in the end if you’re tight on cash just see it au naturale. You won’t walk away feeling like you’ve missed anything, and chances are if you have a theater in town that plays 3D (we have four or five) they’re more expensive than most other theaters to begin with. Not to mention an additional 3.50 gets tacked on for the glasses.
The funny thing is that they make this big deal about “recycling” the glasses after the flick. They even have this stand that you can drop them in on the way out. Talk about preying on peoples cultural (or in this case ecological) paranoia. You think you’re saving the planet, but in reality you just dropped 3.50 for glasses that will get repackaged and stuck on some one else’s head. No thank you. I think I’ll keep mine, besides they’re tinted enough to double as sun glasses if I ever need them.
On a more preachy note there was a scene where the film’s elderly protagonist stares down some developers who wish to buy his house in order to build condos or skyscrapers. The developer is portrayed as sleek looking man in a black suit, wearing black sun glasses, and having no mouth. An obvious symbol of faceless corporate evil.
It makes me think of how all my life from the moment I was a child up to today in the movie I’ve had TV, films, and all forms of media constantly attempting to indoctrinate me. Think about films and shows you watched as a kid, and how many of them had the corporate stooge or the greedy banker as the villain. How about loggers, manufacturers, and the entire army of faceless white men who inevitably always do the bidding of a much fatter white man at the top, and that man always has a mustache. No wonder most people I meet seem to think that the weather is controlled by 6 Jews in a room somewhere.
“Reeboks, Reeboks, bicycles, advertising!”
Finally on a sad note Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. My fondest prayers go out to the man for whom I sprained my leg attempting to dance like when I was five.
Well my birthday is tomorrow, or today for any one reading this after midnight, and I’ve already celebrated it Saturday. I got a hand full of games, a little cash, and had a nice meal. I also watched The Sons Of Katy Elder starring John Wayne and Dean Martin which was a really good picture. It’s funny to see how even in his 50’s Wayne cut a pretty imposing figure. Dean Martin is about 6’1, I believe, and John Wayne completely dwarfed him.
My parents also got me a copy of the soundtrack to Pete Kelly’s Blues which Jack Webb Starred in and Directed. It’s vinyl so they got an album frame for it, and I now have it hung up in my room. I would take a picture, but I can’t find my camera at the moment. All I can say is that it has a picture of Webb looking through a camera on the cover, and any one who knows me knows I am a huge fan of Jack Webb.
Beyond birthday things I went to church with my family for father’s day, and tonight my grandfather came over to watch All The Kings Men, which was an excellent if not nearly horrifying movie, and may some day stand as a prophetic statement about the Obama presidency (The film is actually based on the former governor of Louisiana Huey Long who was assassinated on September 8th 1935). So all in all it’s been a pretty family oriented weekend.
On the job front I got a call today from an insurance company, but it was commission only so I said no thanks. I hope I get something soon. Socialism is bad for people, and I can already see myself slipping back into my old habits. Of course I only worked for 7 days, non consecutively, but it did make a big difference.
I also forgot to mention I went thrift store hopping on Saturday. I didn’t find anything interesting or useful, but I did buy a 50 cent copy of “Scientology: A New Slant On Life”, not by L. Ron Hubbard, but with his name on the cover (some people, though non who are probably reading this blog know what that means). I was hoping to find a fun and crazy read, but it’s not the deep down insider stuff. It reads more like a really long self help pamphlet. Common sense things about perspective, and how it relates to happiness and fulfillment. In other words it’s a recruitment tool more than anything else.
The church of Scientology is good at keeping the real stuff under wraps, but I find out things here and there. It’s a sort of hobby of mine I guess you could say. Not that I have some kind of vested interest in the church one way or another, but I just find holistic medicine and other crazy stuff entertaining to no end. I don’t care what Tom Cruise does or says on all of this, and I think it’s childish and stupid that we’re all expected to stop taking him seriously as an actor because of his beliefs. Valkyrie was a pretty intense picture despite all the hating.
And here’s a little something to leave you with tonight. I looked it up on YouTube due to the fact, as I did mention, my boss sounded like Paul Lynde. I found it under the title “Templeton Weight Gain - Extended Cut”. In case you’ve not farmed the darker edges of the internet as I have this title is telling us something important. You see weight gain fetishists are people who are sexually aroused by the idea of animals (I’m saying animals as I believe this is mostly a furry phenomenon) who eat and gain weight rapidly.
You know at some level I almost think it should be a crime for me to watch a fond childhood memory, and be made to feel uncomfortable by perverts. Generally I’m a little more understanding about these things, but these people are perverts and make me sick.
So what do me and an ever growing number of Americans have common? We're all unemployed. That's right, I no longer have a job. 40 minutes to quitting time, and the boss pulls me into his office. Apparently the account they were trying out just isn't making the number, and me and the whole department (well really 3 other people) are getting the boot.
They said they were happy with my performance, and they should be starting a debt consolidation account July 1st so they hope I am still available to work as my numbers kicked total fucking T-Rex dick! He actually said I swear. Oh well at least I get to sleep again. I knew things weren't going to last long. After all the job was like the phone equivalent of poking a retard with a stick and then running away.... no more like poking a retard with a stick and then riding away on one of the Segways. But only 7 days?
At least I got to see the baby alligator out back once more, and I did experience a moment of irony so profound I was almost knocked out of my seat. I'm eating lunch in the breakroom, watching MSNBC when they have this report about how Obama has taken up golf. In the midst of talk about how great he looks in shorts (seriously they said that), the female reporter said this:
"Though some Presidents have been critcised for golfing during a time of national crisis...."
(cut to picture of G.W. and George Sr)
"...Obama has so far managed to escape criticism."
At that point I had to stop, and take a moment. I looked around the room to see if any one else had caught. Nope. Do you get it? The press just gave an on air nod to their own lack of objectivity. On TV! The world is insane.
So last night I slept about 40 minutes by my estimate. The rest of the night I tossed and turned , amazed at how hard my body was fighting sleep. It was strange. I could feel unconsciousness pouring over me like a wave, and just before it could completely wash over me, my body would suddenly snap back, wrenching me out of sweet oblivion.
So many firsts at once. I have to relearn to live on a schedule, relearn not drink until I pass out, and a lack of sleep is the price I pay for all this. Sure there’s less unmentionable bowel related actives, and in theory less sour stomach (though I’ve had plenty of that). In the end I’m not sure whether the money or the freedom seems more attractive. Of course I haven’t gotten the money yet, but I definitely ain’t got the freedom any more.
At the moment things remain as tedious as ever, and never getting any sleep doesn’t help. I’m the only one who stays on the phone cold calling all day while the others switch off from inbound to outbound. Of course this is because I’m the only one among them who is a real sales man. For example today I walk into the bosses office to try and get some feedback. The boss, a condescending little prick who sounds like Paul Lynde (for those of you uneducated types who are too lazy to look it up think of the voice of Templeton the rat from Charlotte‘s Web), tells me he’s not keeping track.
Long story short I ask the right person and it turns out their previous best converter, a mouthy black chick, contacted 42 people and converted 7 yesterday. On the other hand I contacted 32 and converted 23. Big difference. Now they keep hinting that they want me to start selling alarm systems and debt consolidation sooner than later, and before you know it the idea of jerking off polar bears on reality TV doesn’t seem such a bad option.
Oh well I believe that God has a plan, and things will work out in the end. Still with only 4 seasons of Dragnet what’s a boy to do? Sure I can pepper it up with some On The Buses, which is funny, but a man needs Dragnet in order to feel regular. I mean I’m already half way through the fourth. Back to Adam-12 I suppose.
On that note (and by that I mean on an entirely different note) I would like to celebrate the life, and mourn the death of a hero of mine. A great actor, a real and true American icon, and one who managed not to die with a shoe lace tied around his pee pee. I speak of course of John Wayne who as of June 11th has been gone for 30 years. I hate to admit it, but I’m getting misty eyed.
All I can say is that if you don’t like John Wayne it’s because you’re rotten to the core, your parents are rotten to the core, their parents are rotten to the core, and their parent’s parents where probably hobgoblins or poisonous snakes. For any one left who does still have respect and love for the man I recommend going out and immediately renting The Shootist. In it John Wayne plays his final role as an aged gun fighter who settles into old stomping grounds in order to die quietly of cancer. The film is made all that more effective and touching as Wayne himself was loosing his long struggle against cancer. I also recommend popping over to Roger Ebert’s page and reading his blog post about his encounters with Wayne.
Well I’m about as tired as I can get so I’ll saddle up. Like Mose said, “All I want is a rocking chair by the fire”
So I perform the single most ridiculous job a person could get paid 15 bucks and hour to do. Basically we've all seem those "win a free ipod" banners on web sites. Well the people who click on those and do the survey's and sign up for the offers, basically I call them back and tell then I'm going to send them another offer via email. I confirm there email address, and send them the email. Bam! That's it. I modified there pitch, and took a more aggressive approach so today (my first full day on the phone) I did double what every one else.
They don't monitor your calls, they don't watch over you, they don't even care when you go for lunch or breaks. You just disappear. The lunch room is the size of a basketball court, it has a Nintendo Wii for the employees to play at lunch, and all the snacks and drinks in the vending machines are under 50 cents.
The place itself is the size of a football stadium, but there is almost no one working there. Every one is spread around this huge office like nomad tribes. Hell I have no idea what the other people who work in the place even do. They say it's temp to hire. I don't know how long it will go on. Could be days, months, or years. This seems like the kind of place where you show up to work one day just 15 minutes before the FBI raids the place.
No one seems to have any idea what they're doing though my manager has that kind of extremely soft spoken passive aggressive exterior, but deep down you know he would stab his own mother in the back. I've spoken less than 3 sentences to him. He once asked me how things were going. I said "good", and he walked off.
It's tedious as shit. Basically today I made 301 phone calls, I got 23 verifications, and had 19 people hang up on me. That's 42 people I spoke to out of 301 in 8 hours. That's about a 13 percent contact rate. So as you can imagine I spend most of my day just dialing and dialing to no avail.
Oh and get this, they don't even want you to rebuttal when a person says no. I still do from time to time, but they basically require I do nothing, but keep dialing. They don't even have a quota.
Still I have not slept in two days. I have been on the verge of puking almost constantly. I cannot drink on week days now. No more than a glass so my body now has to adjust to many new things amongst waking up before noon. Last night I got home and crashed at 9:30, woke up at 1:00 am, and never got back to sleep. Considering I only slept 3 hours the night before, I am the walking dead.
It's all very strange though. I've stumbled into some kind of office version of Xanadu. Only instead of untold earthly pleasures the trees bare fruits of boredom. Without the pressure of quotas, and thick ex-cons breathing down my neck when I don't dial fast enough I find I can sell again. I kind of even like it. I see the people I call as my enemies. I want to destroy them with my emails. Oh such emails I will send! Now suck on this! He says "anti" clockwise instead of "counter" clockwise!!!
So it's 3 in the P.M. I'm standing outside of my grandfather's house in a tank top and swim trunks when I get a message from this other job I applied for not two days ago, and to my joy and excitement I find they want me to come in for an interview. I am excited because this is the job I want. Just as I am about to call them back, I mean the very second I'm about to hit the button, evil current job calls me and tells me that they want me in tomorrow morning at 8:30 in the A.M.
Say what nigga ass niggaz? Not even 24 hours advanced notice! So I call the other place and schedule an interview for 4:30 in the P.M. I then finish washing my dad's car (did you think I was just standing outside of my grandfather's house wearing a tank top and swim trunks for no reason? Still now that I think about it it would have been funnier if I had left out the explanation.) I then change my clothes, and hop on over to the interview just in the nick of time.
Well it's a nice place. Offers incredible benefits, pays two dollars less than my current position, but it's plenty stable. Apparently you set up medical or therapy appointments for worker's comp people. Easy as pie. I go in, apologize for my appearance, and get the 30 minute history of the company speech.
In the course of all this I notice a sticky on my resume stating I have the perfect qualifications, and I also find out that out of the 140 applications they've received for the position I'm one of only a few who have real customer service experience. So naturally I'm perfect for the job.
In a perfect world I would have it at this moment, but this is a world filled with corporate hiring practices. As any one who has ever worked for a major corporation knows nothing that corporations do on a bureaucratic level makes any sense. So I have to wait till the end of the week before all the managers get together and pick a hand full of resumes. Then if I am one of the chosen I will be called back for a second interview with the general manager at which time more deciding and what not will take place.
In the end I could lose my job to some one with a college degree. Experience and success don't mean as much as a piece of paper stating you have been schooled in an unrelated topic in the corporate world. That's right, I could lose my dream job to a liberal arts degree or a business major (I've never in my life met a business major who knew shit about business), or the odd paranormal psychology student. Of course my less than... perfect criminal record could also sink me. Who knows? All I know is poop job begins tomorrow.
Still I know little about poop job so maybe it will kick ass. Still you want to know a real hell? Have this song stuck in your head for two weeks.
I've yet to get a solid start date on my current "job" so I decided I would apply at a few places just in case. Then I run across a want ad for Bridgestone tires. Get this, they demand a college degree in order for you stand around a small store and sell their tires for a living! A college degree to sell tires? How would a college degree better prepare you for hawking circular hunks of rubber for a living? Or for that matter why would you go to all the trouble of getting a college degree just to end up selling tires?
I think I'll go back to school. I'll go to one of those college's that lets you major in paranormal psychology and then apply for a bunch of jobs like this. Then when I'm a manager at the Dollar Mart I can look down at my employees, many of whom will be twice my age, and proudly say "You don't have my job because you don't have college degree in something that is completely made up. That's right. I proudly make 12 thousand dollars a year riding on the back of my ghost degree". And then I will commit suicide.
Then after I have passed I want those 12 thousand dollars I earned yelling at Little Clee Tron for not putting the month old cookies in the correct isle, and have it used to build a statue. A statue of me looking boldly into the sun, a college degree in one hand, a tire in the other, and one of those ghost things from pac man at my side.
Ladies and Gentlemen the world has lost its mind. On that note here's something hysterical. Godzilla!!!!!
Stood home today in order to sleep in, but now my skin is crawling. I want out of this cage. I still don't know when I'm working, but let's not forget my birthday is just around the corner. I expect e-cards from those of you who cannot attend, but not those cheap easy to find e-cards. I want deeply pornographic e-cards. The kind that could kill small animals if viewed up close. Well not much else is going on. There's a project or two I need to catch up on, but I feel little motivation. It's the damn Game Station that's doing it to me.
I feel how this guy sounds. I know it's long, but stick with it because the pay offs begin around the 5 minute mark. Also if you're interested all his research into R3X can be found here as his website will be going down soon.
So I have a job now. I don't know when I start as of this moment, but any amount of precious free time left is appreciated. I will be confirming orders for the video professor series. I don't know what exactly is involved. There will be "cold calling" more or less, but it pays 15 dollars an hour though I have no idea why. I think the staffing agency that got me the job up sold me as some kind of sales man whiz kid. I mean what's more fun than having to live up to total strangers expectations? Ah, sweet pressure!
Other than that I just play my Playstation 2. I'm beginning to understand how distractions can be a poison. Television, video games, and other vices. I had none of these things in the hotel... well I had television, but something will have to be done about all this. The world seems insane to some degree. Especially these days with our "man made disasters" as they now want to call them. I limit myself to watching only King Of The Hill. Except for at night when I watch Adam-12 and Dragnet on Netflix. That I do while I grind.
Soon enough I'll have a little something up from the podcast I am editing. It's strange and Sir John is slow at sending me things. He's a nut. Speaking of nuts how about this girl? Apparently all life existed as 2 dimensional space beings at some point in the past, and that has something to do with the Atlantians, and Lizard People from Mars, and how our physical universe doesn't actually exist, but is instead some kind of trap constructed by space monsters and possibly Jesus.
If you're wondering why she inhales before each video it's because she's channeling space monsters or Hitler or something. I have to admit she is kinda cute.
These are my words. The photos are mine too. Please read and enjoy and don't forget to check out my Myspace music page which is linked below as well as twitter me. I do love recognition.
If you wish to contact me do so at angry_rant@yahoo.com
Just Say No To Invisible Space Lizards
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So this guy spends his days redefining reality *because* *of* invisible
space lizards that want to conquer our dimension, and we're the ones
existing in a ...
The Proposal
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Directed by Anne Fletcher. Written by Pete Chiarelle. Starring Sandra
Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty White.
Touchstone Pictures - 2009
Two Stars of ...
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