Negative South: Boiler Room

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Boiler Room

So the big boss pulls us into his office, and tells us that, lo and behold, the numbers stink. We're only speaking to 1/3 of our total call list, and out of that third we're only converting 10 percent. Surprisingly he wasn't blaming us, and wanted advice on how we could change the script in order to get the conversation rate up.

My Boss

Since the credit rating question was our number one problem we were told to brain storm, and figure out how we could "generalize" the question a bit more. So after about ten minutes we came up with the idea of changing

"How would you rate your credit: Excellent/Good/Fair/Poor"

to the more ambiguous

"Would you say your credit is about average or better?"

In other words the big bosses don't care about call quality they just want to make their numbers. Today's numbers were more than double the last two days, but all this means is that the project lasts until the place that hired us figures out that the quality is crap.

Here's a fact or two about my job you might not have known.

1) They have those environmentally friendly low-flow toilets that require you to flush them 63 or more times should you have to do a number 2, and that lovely Eco-friendly toilet paper that has all the comfort of wiping your bum with a gnarled wart hog corpse.

2) No one knows what any one else does. I talked to a guy who has worked there for 4 years, and he has no idea what any of the other departments do. He's in accounting by the way. So at least we know that some things are being accounted for.

3) Energy drinks are the only thing in the vending machines that cost above 45 cents (they cost 2.09, but why such and odd number?).

Other than that England brings me many joys, and many heart aches. After finishing off the 20th and final episode of the BBC series Chef! (that's 20 episodes that span three series, which is still 4 episodes less than one season of your average American television show) I am sad to say there is more... ever! I can only blame their socialized health care system.

Here's a clip