Witchita Lineman

Here's how I spent the last two days:

"Hello is Mr./Mrs. fill in the blank available?"

"That's me"

"Hi, I'm Felonious Coleslaw calling from COMPANY NAME DELETED. How are you?"

"Fine"

"It seems you recently took a survey, and expressed interest in receiving a free alarm system. Is this correct?"

"Yep"

"Well what I want to do is ask you a few quick questions to see if you qualify for the program. Is that ok?"

"Sure"


"Do you own a home?"

"Yes"


"How would you describe your credit? Excellent/Good/Fair/Poor"

"Good" (if they answer anything other than excellent or good I drop them right quick)

"OK wait one moment while I transfer you to a specialist"


So as you can guess 80 percent of my day is spend listening to answering machines, 10 percent is spent telling people there credit isn't good enough to receive an alarm system that's mostly made up of stuff from the dollar store (literally!), add on another 9.75 percent of being screamed at, and you've got a remaining sum of .25 percent actually spent making sales.


The leads update in real time as the people fill in the survey which means there aren't enough for one person to dial, let alone two, let alone three after 5 o'clock. I will be floored if this thing lasts past Friday.

Oh, and the best part was when the three of us who remained till 7 attempted to leave, and a lanky pile in a dress shirt who called himself "The VP of Finances" (I assume this means head accountant) slides up and begins questioning us as if we had stolen in through an open window, sneaked past security, and began to engage in telemarketing.